The story continues: "A man from Louisiana who is blind, is suing the fast-food chain for allegedly failing to accommodate blind customers as a result of its drive-thru only policy during late-night hours."
Da fuq, man. Seriously?I am sorry you are legally blind. I have a sister who is legally blind, and I hope she never hears about this lawsuit because then she'll be at McDonalds trying to get fries at one in the morning, and that would just suck because she has one bum leg that slows her down significantly, plus she's on dialysis and the salt will kill her.
But, truly, what next? Suing the bank because you want to use the drive-up tellers but you can't drive up to the drive-up? Actually, there's Braille on the drive-up ATM, so I think the bank is covered for this one.
Or maybe you want to sue the library because they have more books on paper than they do on audio. Maybe you'll sue the supermarket because you cannot see the avocados to tell if they're properly ripening or not. Hell, sue major league sports because you cannot see when a foul ball is coming at you. Sue Mother Nature for snow on the sidewalk. Sue the zoo because you can't see the animals.
Sue, sue, SUE! Sue every motherfucker on the planet, for all I care.
But, I have a solution.
This solution is actually better than the solution I have to Target's bathroom policy (DON'T GO POTTY AT TARGET - it keeps me out of the battle from either side). It's better than the solution I have to the guy who entered the woman's locker room at the health club and claimed he felt feminine that day (QUIT THE GYM - I can sweat in my own home for far less money per month, and it keeps me out of the battle from either side). This solution is better than the "everyone gets a trophy" philosophy at youth sports (GO CLUB TEAMS - Only winners get trophies and losers get character building experiences, plus it keeps me out of the battle from either side).
Here's my solution. Are you ready? I know it's ground-breaking, earth-shattering even, so prepare yourselves. It's about to be revealed. Keep reading. You're almost there ... you'll see it ... unless you're blind ... sue me ... but I digress...
Oh, sure, I know. If McDonald's actually CLOSES when it CLOSES, they'll probably be attacked by the fast-food zombies for not serving them leftover burgers in wimpy rolls at 12:45 a.m. Can you even imagine the horror? It'll be like Night of the Living Dead with half-drunk, hungry high people babbling things like, "McFlurry! Apple pie! BIG FUCKING MAC!" Or maybe it'll be like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes but with two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun. (That jingle was once an extra-credit question on Mr. Wettergreen's freshman English exam.)Really. DON'T STAY OPEN LATE. Just close. Close and send the workers home at a decent hour. Let the hippies go get Slushies at Store 24 or candy bars from an all-night CVS or leftover half-eaten subs from the trash like other crazy-ass night people do.
Fuck you, blind guy; fuck you and your frivolous lawsuit. We are NOT all equal. Some of us are blind, some of us have curly hair, and some of us are short. Guess what, Blind Guy, I'm too fucking SHORT to walk through the drive-through, anyway. Should I sue? Because I'm just about as tall as a Hobbit, now I cannot partake in after-hours Happy Meals!
The injustice of it all!!!!!!
YOU are NOT a CAR. You CANNOT drive through the drive-through because you cannot DRIVE.
You cannot make everyone happy -- You are not pizza.
Speaking of pizza -- Do THEY stay open late? Hey, Blind Guy. Don't forget about Pizza Hut and Papa Gino's. Might as well piss off everyone, while you're at it.
