ICED COFFEE FOR AMATUERS

What happens when people who don't drink coffee decide to drink coffee?

They make dumb mistakes, that's what happens.

I drink hot tea all the time and iced coffee on rare occasions.  I just get back from a weekend in North Carolina around 5:00 p.m., run some laundry, and turn back around for the airport to pick up my sister, who just happens to be flying in from New York at 9:00 p.m.  For some unknown reason, I have a burning desire to drink iced coffee.

"Small caramel iced coffee, regular," I say to the girl.

When people order their coffee "regular," some dumbass behind the counter always asks, "Do you want cream and sugar with that?"

WTF, people.  That's what regular IS.  It has freakin' cream and freakin' sugar in it.  I should know; I used to be a shift supervisor at Dunkins. Regular = Cream + Sugar.  Learn it.  Master it.

The girl behind the counter looks at me.  "No sugar.  Too sweet."

Mistake #2: Telling me how I want MY coffee.  "A little sugar," I implore.

"TOO SWEET!"

I convince myself she is actually yelling "tout suite," but I know she is not when I taste the bitter coffee.  HA!  I'll show her!  I add 3/4 of a packet of sugar to my coffee, take a giant gulp, and walk away.  As a matter of fact, I drink half that coffee down almost immediately.

Wait.  Oh, wait a second.  Doesn't coffee make people stay awake?  Hmmmm.  I have to work in the morning.  Dumb.  Dumb, dumb, dumb.  This is why people who do not know how to drink coffee should not be allowed to drink coffee without supervision. 

Monday when I am cranky and miserable with my classes, I'll have only myself to blame.  I'll show them my coffee cup and assure them that at least one of us (me or the java) is sweet.  I'm certain they'll have no problem deciding which one.