NICE TRY, MA NAT

I'm driving home from work, jamming along with J. Geils Band's "Give It to Me" -- you know, the three minutes of instrumentals that totally make the song.  I have it cranked up so loud that my doors are shaking.  Really, is there any other way to listen to J. Geils?  I think not.

I approach a somewhat dangerous intersection, minding my own business, trying to stay on my side of the road in a tiny lane for turning without being hit by oncoming or passing traffic, both directions of which are whizzing past me at 60 mph.  My car and I are both shuddering to the combination of music and being in a 120 mph speed/wind tunnel.

Suddenly, the radio screeches and clangs with an emergency broadcast.  I am expecting the announcer to say, "This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.  This is ONLY a test.." but I realize that the siren-like blaring has interrupted the song and that the warning keeps going, on and on, adding more bells and screeches and blasting horn attention-getting noises.

This clearly is NOT a test.

I panic.  One hand goes up to my mouth in slight terror while the other firmly grips the steering wheel.  After all, I am still waiting for the green arrow to proceed through the intersection.  Finally, the arrow appears; strangely, the EBS is still screaming its warning signal sounds.  A good forty seconds' worth.

Shit.  What's happening?  What's wrong?  I've never heard the pre-announcement warning last so long.  Are we under attack?  Did DC get bombed?  Are we all in imminent danger?  Should I go to the store and hoard food?  Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; Tell me, what does the Force hold in store for the universe?

A voice crackles through the radio, distant, obscure, unclear.  I have to strain to make out what it is saying, even though the volume is still cranked.

"The National Weather Service in Taunton is reporting snow between 1 and 3 a.m.  There will be up to six inches of snow and this will affect southern and northeast Massachusetts..."

What ... the ... Are these people serious?  Really?  You had to interrupt J. Geils and send out nearly a minute of EBS signals to tell people that it's going to snow a half a foot, if even, sometime overnight almost twelve hours from now, in New England, in the month of February?

Shaking my head.  No really, I truly am.  What will happen during a true emergency?  A real, honest to goodness, Blizzard of '78 kind of catastrophe?  A Three-Mile Island kind of disaster?  A Katrina-like horror?  What if the Great Fire of Chicago happens anew?  Will we get any warning?  Will the broadcast notification take five minutes?  Ten?  An hour?

Folks, hide your daughters and lock up your hamsters!  We might have a slight dusting of snow in the morning!  Holy shit, how incredibly unusual!  I'm so glad someone had a chance to warn me so far in advance.  I mean, gawd-forbid I wake up without knowing ahead of time that I might have to brush my car off for a whole two minutes.

Oh, well.  Just Mother Nature trying to one-up J. Geils and "Give It to Me," I suppose.  Nice try, Ma Nat, nice try.