2. Ted Cruz is ineligible to be president. NOT being born in the USA means NOT being born in the USA. It's not fucking rocket science.
3. Donald Trump's hair is either a really long comb-over or the remainder of an unfilled Twinkie.
4. The sound of Obama's voice works better than Syrup of Ipecac.
5. "Illegal" means "breaking the law." It's not fucking rocket science.
6. There is no separation of church and state in the Constitution. Really.
7. If I were legally allowed to carry a gun at school, my laptop would have been shot a long time ago.
8. Caitlyn Jenner : Kate Middleton :: Michael Jackson : Diana Ross
9. Joe Biden looks like everybody's creepy Uncle Floyd.
10. Why are we still talking about skin color in 2016? We all have skin. Mine has liver spots. Wanna trade?
11. Anyone who wants to rule a country is mentally whacked.
12. Rocket science is not fucking rocket science. Oh, wait a sec; yes, yes, it is.
