I once broke a toe trying to open a bottle of wine. The cork would not yield, so I finally gave up and decided to make a gin and tonic. While twisting the ice tray to release the cubes, one of the cubes flew into the air and landed on my small toe, breaking it and cutting it open.
I always have to ask people to open things: jars, boxes, plastic-encased items. It's downright pathetic. So, imagine, if you will, my mortification when I cannot open the deodorant.It's all about the stupid plastic top. And, to be truthful, this isn't the first time I've had trouble getting the top off the spray deodorant. The problem is that I need to be out of the house like ten minutes ago, and I need deodorant.
What to do, what to do? I'm desperate here. I have to get to work, and I cannot be smelly all day.
The closest thing at hand is my hairbrush. Pulling the brush into a high arc, I smash at the plastic cover. Over and over again I attack the deodorant until shards of blue plastic litter the sink. The cover finally falls off, gaping open like it has been through a shark attack.
Finally, my armpits and I can go to school.
Am I really the only one who cannot open this shit? Wait; don't tell me. If my life is so pathetic that it takes violence to keep me from smelling (and I'm the only one this happens to), then I'd prefer to keep that shame to myself. But, at least I'll smell great while doing so.
