I think I’m losing my
mind.
Today in the grocery
store, I have to retrace my steps not once, not twice, but three times. Three frigging times.
Okay, so the first time
shouldn’t even count because I only circle the produce section, doubling back
to make sure I’ve properly judged the strawberries (not worth buying – I’ll go
local for those), and then picking out some watermelon (worth buying). I’m not sure if that qualifies for actually
retracing my own steps.
The second time, I realize
that I have forgotten cereal, but I am only in aisle 7 when I remember this, so
I only cover half the store to go back and grab some. I decide on small prepackaged bowls of
various cereals since I can’t for the life of me remember what is already on
the shelf in the cabinet at home … you know … because I’m losing my mind.
The third time just pisses
me off because I have already been in the aisle to which I must return. I already shopped in the snacks aisle back
around aisle #2, but no. I’m in aisle
#11 when I remember that we need more Cheez-Its in the house. I am so mad that I must go back to where I
already was that I buy the Cheez-Its that I like and damn anybody else. I get the extra toasted ones. It’s awesome – they’re all slightly
overcooked, just the way I like them. I
get two boxes.
After that, I schlep all
the way back to the other end of the store to get bread and applesauce. I am so proud of myself and my shopping
adventure when I finally reach my car that I immediately load up and get the
hell out of Dodge. I zoom home, start
unloading groceries, open the fridge, and –
Damnation. The kid is out of Gatorade (not on my list)
and I forgot the stupid eggs (on my list) in the last aisle.
It’s all okay, though,
folks. I’m allowed to mess this shit
up. After all, I think I’m losing my
mind. Seriously, that will be my defense
when this is all said and done.
