GET OUT THE WAY

Look, I know it's summer and all, and the later dusk makes us all relaxed and happy.  I mean, who doesn't love walking on the beach at 7:30 p.m. ... and it's still light out!

But, people, listen closely: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY.

Seriously, people, learn how the frig to drive, or get the flipping hell off the roads.

I have had people in front of me stop their cars dead in the street for no reason, or pull so far to the right to make a left turn in a subcompact that it's as if they are driving a semi, or pull out in front of me like it's  NASCAR only to drive ten miles below the 30 mph speed limit, or refuse to yield the left highway lane, or drive so slowly that even the police officers behind in the line of traffic are going insane.

When the heck did people forget how to drive because it's the summer solstice?

Truly, I'm not in that big of a hurry.  I am notorious for giving myself ample time to get places.  But, I would like very much to get to these places TODAY.  If I wanted to saunter, I'd be walking not driving.  Capiche?  When I ride your ass, MOVE.  When I flash my lights, MOVE.  When I toot the horn, MOVE.  When I lay on the horn, MOVE OR PREPARE TO MEET THE SHOVEL I KEEP IN THE HATCHBACK.

There are rules of the road and there are rules of courtesy.  I have no idea why warm weather seems to make drivers maneuverably retarded to these rules.  It makes me yell/sing, "Move, bitch, get out the way!" complete with the expletives not deleted.

The other day not one, not two, not three, but four cars ran the red light and cut my friend and me off in traffic.  She was behind the wheel, being polite but firm in her complaints.  I, on the other hand, leaned forward in the seat, busted the bird out, and started screaming obscenities through the windshield.

"Move, bitch, get out the way!"

I don't care if it is summer, I don't care if you're happily out of work or on your way to work, I don't care if you're in love with yourself or someone else, I don't care if you have a "Baby on board" sign in your window, and I don't care if you're an off-duty traffic cop.  OBEY the SPEED limits, OBEY the traffic LAWS, and, for the sake of my sanity, go the fucking minimum speed limit, you jackass, or I'll go all Ludacris on your ass.