No, I didn't scratch anyone, nor did I rip off one nail therefore making the others look stupid. The nail polish still looks great, and each nail has been freshly filed.
First, let me say that I am not attached to my fingernails except in the completely physical sense. I am not one who yearns for long, delectable nails. As a matter of fact, I find the entire manicure process to be exceptionally torturous. Pedicures are even worse. I will give up State secrets if necessary when someone tries to give me a pedicure.
Secondly, I have no particular fetish about painting my fingernails. My daughter loves having new and different designs etched into her nails. This is how much I care when I paint my nails: I seal them immediately with PAM cooking spray so maybe the polish won't peel off within minutes.
Tonight, though, these suckers are going. I am finding it hard to type, and I do love my computer, so something has to go: keyboard or nails.
Okay, that's the truth, but it's also a lie. There is one true reason why I decide that tonight is the night my beautifully long, painted, decorated nails have to go. You see, today is a half day, and, prior to our afternoon of meetings, we have ordered Chinese food from a nearby restaurant. I would love to eat my meal, truly and honestly, and it looks delicious sitting there in its airtight container while I wedge one nail then another then another yet around the corners.
No matter how hard I try, every time I snap up one corner with a fingernail, a different corner seals itself like model cement. My colleagues have to open my lunch for me like I'm in elementary school.
Blame the Chinese food; it's why I cut my nails off. If it weren't for sweet and sour pork, I'd still be able to scratch out your eyes.
