Massachusetts Senate Race Debate in a
nutshell (and I do mean NUT):
Keller: Welcome to the debate. Professor Warren, how are you tonight?
Fauxcahontas: Once when Obama rubbed my belly, magic
bubbles came out of my nostrils.
Keller: And Senator Brown, how are you this evening?
Brownie: We need to draw a line in the sand.
Keller: Well, candidates, how do you feel about the
economy?
Fauxcahontas: I think the environment is just ducky. It's green and it's a rainbow and the air is
a cornucopia of love and peace!
Keller: Uh, that would be the ecology, Liz. And Senator, your thoughts?
Brownie: We need to draw a line in the sand.
Keller: How about the state of higher education,
candidates. Your thoughts?
Fauxcahontas: If I can cheat my way into Harvard, EVERYONE
should be able to cheat their way in, even the … scummy … middle … class. (spits to cleanse palate)
Brownie: It cost me the shirt off my back and the
pants off my bottom to get through law school.
And Cosmo helped a little. By the
way, we need to draw a line in the sand. (flexes)
Keller: Lastly, candidates, how will you resolve the
conundrum of voting along party lines?
Fauxcahontas: I … am … not … a … robot … beep beep beep … I
… am … not … a …. robot … beep beep beep … I … am … nooooooooooooooottttttt (whirrrrrrrr snap)
Brownie: My daughters had a party once, but we had to
draw a line in the sand.
Keller: And there you have it, folks. Proof positive that we are completely and
totally fucked. This is John Keller in
Boston, bending over and kissing my dog and my ass good-bye.
