Well, it’s official. Hallmark channel says it’s Christmas.
Hallmark isn’t the only Christmas movie channel. Lifetime has deviated from their typical slasher-hacker genre to the holiday season, as well, and there are others. However, if I’m going to turn on mindlessly sappy entertainment with no concerns about missing chunks of the plot to do real-world things (like shower or eat dinner or grade papers), Hallmark is my go-to. With the exception of one Hallmark movie I’ve watched, the current relationship always loses out to the rekindled or brand new relationship. Go figure! Honestly, I didn’t know there were that many people in the world willing to settle for idiots in the first place, but what do I know.
Anyway, the best way to plan my movie watching spree is to check the television listings. I can usually do this with my naked eyes because the channel listings on the TV are large. I can also use my distance glasses for clarity, but even my reading glasses will work across the room.
Last weekend I turned on the television, hoping to plan my channel-hopping Christmas movie watching (yes, I get three different Hallmark channels on my telly). I browsed through the on-set guide without my glasses.
All of a sudden, the listing was gobblygook.
I strained my eyes to see the title of the movie, but apparently my vision was having none of it. Fearing the onset of a migraine (blurred vision is a common symptom), I quickly reached for the first set of glasses and came up with the readers. Okay, so these are excellent for up-close but sometimes blur a little at a distance, but they’re still functional.
Still nothing but letter jumbles. What. The. Hell.
I scrambled around to find my distance glasses, also known as my driving glasses, also known to my students as my “Oh, NOW I can see you” glasses. These glasses would solve my problem and tell me exactly what movie title it was that I could not decipher. I gallantly placed my distance glasses on my nose, looked across the room, and read:
Turns out my panic was for naught. Hallmark had messed up their own line-up and written two different Christmas movie titles in the same time slot for the same channel. Part of me was relieved that I wasn’t having a stroke, but the other part was totally enraged. How could I possibly be expected to plan my viewing if I had no idea the title of the movie playing at that time?
Oh, wait. Never mind. I’ll watch anything
Christmas-related because I know how it ends. Happily. And ever after, at that,
gobblygook be damned.
