MAGIC 8-BALL OF WISDOM

I have been having an exceptionally bad month.  No, really.  From my house to work to some health crap, I'm about ready to pack it in and escape to parts unknown.  Every time I turn around, one more thing falls onto my plate, and today's work email, though relatively innocuous, sends me into a tizzy of depression and exhaustion and rage and a bit of self-pity.

But, I have a secret weapon.

My friend bought me a Magic 8-Ball last spring.  It's sitting on my desk, and I know in my heart and in my logical brain that the Magic 8-Ball holds all the answers to the secrets of the universe.  I pick up the Magic 8-Ball and start shaking it vigorously.

"Oh, Magic 8-Ball, will tomorrow be a batter day than today?"

I turn it over and wait for the triangular Dome of Wisdom to settle into place.  "Concentrate and ask again," it instructs me.

So, I do.

This time I shake the Magic 8-Ball and ask it in the most sedate tone of voice, "Oh, Magic 8-Ball of Wisdom and Knower of All Things Sane, will tomorrow be a better day than today?"

I wait and wait and stare at the Magic 8-Ball with the wonder of a child on Christmas morning.  Suddenly, the answer I've been waiting for appears.

"Outlook not good."

In case anyone wonders what the black plastic fragments covered in drying liquid are, I threw that motherfucker across the room and smashed it against the wall.  You know what?  I feel much better now...oooooooh, you guys...

Just kidding!  I would NEVER destroy the Oracle of Wisdom! The Magic 8-Ball sits on my desk at work, the only one honest enough to tell me the truth.  Okay, so tomorrow will not be a better day ... but it didn't tell me it would be a worse day, so there is some comfort in that.