Now, I know perfectly well that I could use my charge card (and get money off), but I am cheap and don't want the extra finance charges. So, I decide to pay cash.
Simple, right? I mean, cash is cash is cash. Without cash, there wouldn't be an economy. Cash is easy: you get the total, then you pay the total, then you wait for the sales clerk to hand you change (if necessary).
Apparently this is NOT how it works at Target.
I hand the cashier all the paper bills she needs, but I do not give her the exact change. I have the exact change, but I don't want to hold up the line. The register tells her how much change to give back: 66 cents. I mean, she doesn't have to calculate or count back change or anything. She just has to hand me 66 cents.
But this young woman has the change total showing ON her register. She doesn't have to do a goddamn thing except count out the change... which she cannot do. She stares at the change amount, looks down at the drawer, looks back at the change amount, looks back at the drawer, then looks back at the change amount. I suspect she is about to cry. She seriously (I'm not remotely exaggerating here -- perhaps understating, even) begins to shake.
Carefully, painstakingly, she begins taking coins out of the drawer one at a time, glancing often at the amount on the register. She places some coins in my hand and says, "66 cents. Right? It's right?" Then she closes the drawer.
Well, no, sweetie, it's NOT right. She has handed me two quarters, two nickels, and a penny. I explain to her that she owes me another nickel.
She ignores me and starts ringing the next order. Luckily, it's my sister's order. "That's okay," I say, "you can hand me the nickel when you open the drawer after this order."
I see that she is attempting to do the addition in her head while mindlessly ringing through my sister's order. Finally she reaches the end of the order and the drawer pops open. I am still holding my palm open to her, and I can see that the line has gotten very long.
"I gave you the right amount," she says.
"No, you shorted me a nickel, and, as a former assistant manager in retail, I can assure you that a nickel may not mean much to me, but when balancing a drawer at the end of the night, a nickel discrepancy is hard to try and explain."
She argues with me again then counts each coin in my hand while the entire line of customers watches. "See? Here's fifty, and this is sixty..."
"No, honey, that's a nickel."
"Yeah, ten cents. Sixty plus the nickel is 66."
Forget the rest of that math equation. I'm still stuck on this first mathematical issue. "No. No, a nickel is only five cents."
"Yes."
I blink back at her stupidity. "Right," I say, "and you gave me two nickels."
"I know."
What. The. Fuck. I've heard of new math, but this is insanity.
My sister grabs one of the nickels out of my hand, hands it to the girl, and says, "Now give her back a dime."
"But I gave her 66 cents."
Both of us together reply, "No. No, ya didn't."
On the way out I stop and tell someone who seems to be a manager that maybe the girl (and I name her) shouldn't be on a register as she cannot count. Ooops. Oh, no. This girl is clearly not capable herself of running a register. Hey, I'm all for hiring people of all educational and capacity levels, but NOT HANDLING MY DAMN MONEY.
When we get out to the car, we discover that both of us have been overcharged for items we bought. I'm not going back in. No way am I going back in that store. I may never go to that store ever again. Listen, Target -- Hire people who can actually count, people who passed second grade math, people who are capable of communicating relatively intelligently on the most basic of levels, for your cash registers and customer service. I promise if you do, I'll GIVE you the fucking nickel back. Hell, I'll give you the whole 66 cents.
