DON'T "TEAS" ME, SISTER

Sitting at Starbucks inside Barnes and Noble, my pal and I witness the following exchange between a young woman and a young man.

Man:  "So, what is 10 divided by 3?"
Woman:  "Ummmmm... I ... uhhhhh... I can't tell you that.  I need a calculator."
Man:  "So ... okay.  Let's try this.  3 times 3 is ...
Woman:  "I can tell you if I had a calculator."
Man:  "9.  It's 9.  3 times itself makes a square.  3 times 3 is 9, so nine is the square of 3."
(Woman sits blankly.)
Man:  "Let's try this.  4 times 4 is...?"
Woman: (fumbling for cell phone) "If I have a calculator, I can tell you."
Man:  "No, no, don't think about the answer yet.  It's a number times itself, okay?  It's a square."
Woman:  "What do you mean square?  It's a number, not a shape."
Man:  "Okay, okay.  16.  16 divided by 4 is what?
Woman:  "I need the other number."
Man:  "What other number?"
Woman:  "I can't divide 16 by 4 without the other number."
Man:  "The other number is your answer."
Woman:  "Answer to what?"
Man:  "16 divided by 4.  Remember, it's a square."
Woman:  "Which square?  There's a square?  Where?"
Man:  "4.  It's 4.  4 times 4 is 16, so 16 divided by 4 is 4.  It's the square root."
Woman:  "Squares have roots?  I need a calculator.  I'm not sure..."

(The wall at the Barnes and Noble Starbucks)

The very patient young man has four or five books open in front of him, piled willy-nilly on top of each other.  He seems to be the young woman's tutor, and he is infinitely patient with her.  The book on the top clearly is a test-prep book.  My pal and I toss ideas back and forth: GED?  Prep school entrance exam?  PSAT?  SAT?  Math course?  Summer AP work? What test could this math-challenged young woman be studying for, and, based on this snippet of conversation, how on earth will she ever pass what is probably a high-school level exam? 

TEAS.  Hmmmm.  My pal and I are both teachers, and neither of us has ever heard of test-prep for TEAS, so we Goggle the acronym.  It stands for the Test for Essential Academic Skills.  It is given to people applying to nursing schools.

Nurses.  Wait -- nurses?  Folks, nurses who do not know what squares and square roots are, or, even worse, who cannot fathom how 3 times 3 equals 9, should not be nurses.  Nurses calculate medication doses and work with medical numbers all day long, day in and day out: Blood pressure, pulse rates, heartbeats, temperatures, and on and on.

While I truly appreciate that this young woman is attempting to better herself, my pal and I both raise concerns about a nurse who needs a calculator to determine the answer of 3 times 3.  I decide to do a little research.  There are TEAS test preps for reading, math, science, and English, and some of the questions require background knowledge.

The math test, though?  Oh, honey; you had better master basic math skills or your ass is grass ... and so will be whomever you are taking care of when (if) you become a nurse.