ARGENT POUR MONTREAL

A trip to Montreal approaches, and I am still working my cash-as-often-as-possible mindset, so naturally I need to get Canadian cash to bring with me.  Oh, sure, I know there are many places to convert money between the borders; I've done this a few times before.  However, I'm not flying solo here; I'm going on a tour bus.

This tour, the first one I've gone on as an adult (as opposed to school trips as a kid), means that other people will be vying for the currency exchange opportunities.  I picture us stopping at a border rest area (not that I suspect we will), and watching everyone descend upon whatever there is for converting money.  The last time I went to Canada, this meant it could be an automated teller or a human one.  Either way, there had always been a line in and of itself, tour bus or not. I also believe there is a place to exchange money in our hotel up in Montreal.  That's great, too, but, again, there's the whole "bunch of us plus other guests" factor to contend with.

This is a short trip, a hit-and-run, a manic "see as much as you possibly can" trip.  Part of this involves a three-hour tour (hopefully not to end as dramatically as did Gilligan's three-hour tour) around Montreal.  Unfortunately, one of the sites left off this preordained itinerary is the Parc Olympique, which means the Biodome is also not on our list of fun stuff to do.  Just in case I get a chance to scoot over to either of these places (two of my favorites) on my own or with pals, I want to have cash on hand.  I wouldn't mind getting in to see Jardin Botanique Montreal, either, as I've missed it every time I've been. Of course, I would really like to kayak at Parc Jean-Drapeau or pedal-boat near the Old Port, too.  So very much to do; so very little time in which to do it all.  Still, a short time is better than no time.

The short time factor is the true driving force behind me wanting to get cash in hand.  Could I use my bank cash card?  Sure.  Do I want to?  No way.  I want to hit Montreal and leave no trail behind me.  I remember that somewhere I have a decorative tin with some cash in it, mostly weird foreign coins and paper money that have come through my hands as assistant managers in various retail businesses.  I have money from Bermuda, Uruguay, Hong King, Mexico, France, Israel, and various other interesting and offbeat places.  Maybe, just maybe I still have some Canadian money left over.

After sorting through everything, I find (in addition to the exotic faraway stuff) lots of American coins: Silver dollar, several silver half-dollars, Susan B. Anthony dollars that mimic quarters (the government either knew this ahead of time and are complete and total assholes, or else our government is really, really stupid), Buffalo-head nickels, a few other treasures, and a pile of pennies that "someone" tinned while working in a diode factory (I suspect this is illegal, so I may or may not be "someone").  I also find $1.50 in Chuck E Cheese coins.

 Best of all, though, I find exactly $5 in Canadian coins.

This won't be enough, though, so I contact AAA.  I can get money converted there, but there may be a fee and I have to wait a few days, which means I'll also have to go back and retrieve the money.  I decide to go to my bank, instead.  Not only can they convert money for me, but they have the cash on hand.  Excellent, right?

Excellent, wrong!

Have you seen Canadian money lately?  Holy crap, the bills are beautiful.  They're like art.  They are colorful masterpieces!  I get all new fresh bills, and they are so fabulous that I'm afraid to touch them.  They even have a see-through part.  My god ... er ... mon Dieu, magnifique!  How am I ever going to be able to spend them?

But, if I know me, and I do know me, I will find a way to soldier on and spend all of my Canadian cash.  I will leave no bill and no coin unspent.  It's the American way!  It's the American in Canada way!  I will buy stupid stuff and go to crazy places and do ridiculous activities and eat until I burst.  That money is already burning a hole in my pocket, and it's still safely tucked away in the bank envelope in which it came.

The best part, though, is that while others are waiting for their debit and credit cards to go through, or perhaps they are waiting to convert money, I'll be ready and able to spend immediately.  Look out, Montreal!  My wallet and I are on our way.