CELL PHONE SUCKAGE

I'm going to Montreal for a few days.  If you're a Facebook follower of this blog, know that the blog will post automatically every morning at 4:30 even if Facebook doesn't remind you.  I am hoping to stay in internet contact, but I will be out of cell phone range.  You might have to bookmark this page in case I can't post the link.

How do I know this?  I know this because my cell and coverage suck ass.

Oh, I could pussyfoot around and play coy: "My service, which is one of those pay-as-you-go plans, is a little iffy..." Fuck that shit. 

I have Virgin Mobile.  It used to be that Virgin Mobile got service even in places other cell phone carriers didn't, such as up in the boonies of Vermont.  I could get phone calls at Smuggler's Notch, but my hostess, who owned the time-share place, could not, and it pissed her off (which sickly made me happy).  It isn't so anymore.  I had to buy a new phone just to get calls at work, and I had to trade up my plan.

Then, my "new" phone had so many glitches that it didn't get group texts and won't get picture texts unless I shut off wi-fi, turn my phone off then on again, and use up data from the Virgin Mobile network.  Hahahaha "Network," because the network sucks ass.  My sister and I recently drove north of Lewiston, Maine.  Well, I think we did.  Her phone says we did, but she has AT&T. 

My phone?  My phone says we died somewhere outside of Auburn on route 108 and had our bodies dumped behind a shed because I had no cell phone service and no internet (no Waze, no Google maps, no way to call AAA or the cops) until we hit route 95 outside of Lewiston coming home ten hours later.  I could take pictures, but I couldn't post them for hours, so the hilarity of our logging road potty run lost its immediate humor.

But, now: MONTREAL.  I know Virgin Mobile Canada exists because I see it on the website.  I already know from trying to get my Samsung piece of shit phone reset that I will never, ever reach a human at Virgin Mobile customer service again.  It must be monsoon season in Pakistan, so "George" isn't available any more.  I also know that Virgin Mobile refuses to answer email inquiries because, apparently, that service is also affected by storms coming in off the Indian Ocean.

I finally Google the answer to my question about how to get coverage while in Montreal, and the answer is that VM Canada has an agreement with VM USA, but it doesn't work the other way.  Apparently, Quebecois can use their phones in America, but we Americans cannot, should not, will not use our phones in Canada.  End of discussion.

Well, damnit, I've put up with a lot of bullshit from Virgin Mobile.  I went an entire two years unable to receive or make any phone calls at work.  I didn't know my first grandchild was arriving because the group text never arrived.  I could've been killed by upstate Maine zombie lumberjacks and no one would find the body because my phone wouldn't ping the location of my cadaver.  Now, this?

Fuck you, Virgin Mobile, you piece of shit.  When I get back from Canada (where my "airplane mode" phone will make a lovely fucking camera, thank you very much), I'm not only switching carriers to one where I can get human, English-speaking customer service, I'm getting a damn iPhone.

Android and Virgin Mobile and Samsung, you can all bite me. But, you'll have to wait until I'm back from Montreal to do it.  Montreal ... where I'll be if I turn up missing.  Just FYI.