Seriously. This is my riddle for the day.
A few weeks ago, I ordered a full-sized futon online to be delivered to my house. It matches the one I currently have, and is supposed to be a replacement for the uncomfy one that I put upstairs as a spare bed. I know what you're thinking. If it's not comfortable, why keep it for company?
I fix it! I open that crappy futon right up, stuff batting into its cavernous spots, and I buy a brand new memory foam topper. I throw clean sheets on it, a blanket, a freshly-washed thick comforter, top it with brand new pillows, and ... voila! ... guest room complete!Then, I wait. I schedule the new replacement futon delivery for Wednesday via an online link. No futon on Wednesday. The freight company calls. They'll deliver it Thursday between noon and 4:00. I tell them I'll leave a note and they can leave the freight right outside. When I get home from work Thursday, no futon. I call the freight company who says they'll call the driver and call me back.
No one calls me back after an hour. So, I call them back with a little attitude. This time they tell me, "Oh, the driver has your paperwork, but the merchandise isn't on the truck." I hem and haw about just sending it back, but I'm kind of digging the idea of having a real guest room, so I reschedule the delivery for Monday, the day of the Boston Marathon. I'll stay home all day and wait for the delivery, even though I get invited into Boston to hang out at the Marathon finish line.
I wait and I wait. I do some stuff around the house. I sit outside (moderately dressed in case the delivery guy shows up) and sunburn my arms and neck waiting. Finally, around 3:15, I call the freight company.
"Um ... we have your paperwork here, but we don't have your merchandise. It's not on the truck and it's not in the warehouse. Maybe it's on the loading dock..."
Apparently, it's not my lucky day.
This time, I'm not so nice. As a matter of fact, I'm so not nice that I tell them to stop dicking me around. They'll keep looking and call me back. I mean, really. Who the hell loses a damn full-sized futon? It's a huge box. I know this because I already had one delivered a few years ago.
In the meantime, I call the originator of my order, explain the situation, and decide to cancel the futon. While we are on the phone, the customer service rep calls the freight company, and they give her the same story. I'm sure they really DID lose it, but they should've fessed up to that days ago. And how, in the chain of command from receipt to loading the truck to delivery did no one notice a MISSING GODDAMN FUTON?
By the time the freight company owner calls, it's all over but his crying. Someone is going to have to pay for the futon, but it won't be me because I'm already having a refund processed. I tell him about being dicked around, and he wants names of his employees who lied to me. Dude, soooooo not my issue. I tell him I don't remember any names, just some chick I talked to three times and a few guys, too, but no one has been honest with me from the start.
Oh, and by the way, I miss the Boston Marathon because of them, I make sure to add that in.
"Well, there's nothing I can do about that now." And there it is. Any sympathy I had for the freight company and the owner? Gone in two seconds flat.Later on when my son gets home, he helps me move the old futon back downstairs, and my den looks pretty much the same as it always has. "Hey," I say to him, "how's the old foam topper on your bed? Could you use a new one?"
"Sure," he says, testing out the new memory foam topper. "Now, if only I had some new pillows..."
I throw him three almost-new guest pillows to pick from and he takes two. Just like that, all of my guest room problems are solved and dissolved at the same time. Thanks, freight company! Turns out it's my lucky day after all.
