Depression: Giving students a two-page article full of
facts, creating an exact outline of the information to be lifted from the
article in the exact order it needs to be lifted, asking said students to spit
back information in two complete paragraphs, then spending days … and days …
and days … correcting stuff that reads like language from another universe.
I love my students, but
this shit is cringe-worthy:
·
The ancient
Olympics ended with the chasten empire (Um …. What?)
·
The modern
Olympics started in 1896 B.C. (Uh …
almost 3800 years later, kid)
·
Some of the sports
included carrot racing (Yes, because the rutabaga was busy.)
·
The torch was lit
when five guys jumped in the flame of Hera
(Slut!)
·
Muhammad Ali lit
the first torch in 1896 (Sure, and those color pictures were taken with a 19th
century digital camera and uploaded to the old-fashioned Web.)
Grading these papers is
like throwing acid into my eyes. I love
these kiddos, I truly do, but I swear they are secretly trying to kill me via essay-induced
brain rupture.
If anyone is looking for
me, I’ll be sitting at the kitchen table spearing my eyeballs with correcting
pens… along with my good pal, that ancient Olympian Muhammad Ali … racing
carrots… across the chasten empire.
