WICKED PISSAH HOLIDAYS

Yesterday was National Answer Your Cat's Questions Day.  I am not exactly certain what that means, but I  pretend that I am.  One of my students asked me how exactly one answers a cat's questions.  I thought for about a millisecond and then answered, "Well, when your cat says 'meow meow,' you're supposed to answer MEOW MEOW MEOW with authority.  That way even if you don't actually know the answer, you sound like you do and your cat will be satisfied with that."


Apparently it was also Hit Your Teacher in the Side of the Head with a Really Solid Blunt-Nosed Paper Airplane Day because that happened, too.  Meow meow meow.

Honestly, this is what I do most of the day when I'm at work.

Continuing with the tradition of bizarre daily holidays, today is both National Handwriting Day and Measure Your Feet Day.  I have reasonably large feet for a short girl, I'm not going to lie.  I can wear anything from a size 7 1/2 to a 9 for a shoe, depending on what it is.  I'm not sure I should be measuring my feet in front of the children who will most certainly have something to say about these feet -- how skinny they are, how big they are for my height, or even how freakishly long my toes are (like fingers).

As for National Handwriting Day, I am forever appalled that cursive is no longer being taught in elementary schools.  I try to fit it into my curriculum toward the end of the year.  Every day I write a Shakespearean insult on my board (yesterday's was something about a mewling puttock), and I always write it in cursive.  The students get a kick out of first deciphering the insult then using it.  It's tough this week, though, since it's no name calling week.  I probably be putting Shakespearean compliments on the board.  Maybe today I will.

What would really be fun is if I combine the two holidays and make it National Write Cursive With Your Feet Day.  Now, that's a holiday worth celebrating!  Perhaps I'll write "Thou gleeking, flap-mouthed foot-licker" in cursive with the drawing of a foot (any foot but not my foot) next to it, and I can put it on the white board directly under where I write the date and the bizarre holiday.

As great as I feel about today's combined holidays, I still feel inadequate about yesterday.  I wish I could answer a cat's questions.  I also wish I could counsel cats on their etiquette: It is impolite to hack up hairballs on the sofa while company is sitting there; It is poor form to poop in the kitty litter when there's an audience; it is considered tacky to pee on the new shoes that are in the closet when I don't get up and feed you instantaneously at 4:00 a.m. on my day off simply because you want what you want when you want it.

 Until I become Dr. Doolittle, I'm stuck with National Handwriting Day and Measure Your Feet Day.  I suppose it could be worse.  It could be Don't Bathe Day or All Your Students Smell Like Limburger Cheese Day or Hit Your Teacher in the Side of the Head with a Really Solid Blunt-Nosed Paper Airplane Day... again.

Happy Thursday and Happy Wicked Pissah Holidays Day.  Might as well celebrate something.