1592 Shah Jahan Mughal emperor of India (1628-58), built Taj Mahal (Yes, but when he was done building the Taj Mahal, he supposedly had the right hand of his chief architect chopped off so the building could never be replicated. Or maybe it was because the architect was hammering in a dome and caused major leakage into the structure. Perhaps there was no hand-chopping at all. Anyway, it's such a romantic notion, maiming our closest employees because we are overcome by the beauty of their craftsmanship. Makes me want to run off and not build anything.)
1779 Zebulon Montgomery Pike explorer - Pike's Peak (Sure Pike's Peak is named after him, but really, let's be honest. He didn't discover the freaking thing -- It was there all along and presumably named something else by the natives who lived in the area. Such a great explorer that he and his band of merry men got lost and were captured by Mexicans in Colorado. Stop laughing, yes, Mexicans. In. Colorado. Then they were taken to Chihuahua, which is Mexico, and were subsequently released at the border of Louisiana. It seems that punishment for being lost in Colorado means you're dragged to a sunny locale, force-fed fruity drinks by scantily clad Spanish women, then dropped off near Baton Rouge just for shits and giggles. And you get a huge mountain named after you. Frigging SWEET.)
1855 King Camp Gillette inventor of the disposable safety razor (The lesson here is obvious: Give your kid a stupid-ass name, and he will either grow up to become a serial killer or grow up to be the evil, sick, twisted psycho who markets blades capable of slashing throats to make serial killers's jobs easier and completely disposable. Stole his business models from competitors but still took sole credit. Bastard. Also, he has a football stadium named after him, but only hid last name because the rest of his name is just fucking ridiculously stupid. Whoever witnessed his parents signing the birth certificate should've smacked the mom and dad and done so repeatedly.)
1908 George Dolenz Trieste Italy, actor in A Bullet for Joey and starred as Count of Monte Cristo in the television series of the same name ... (Yadda yadda yadda ... Most importantly, father of Mickey "Hey, hey, we're the Monkees" Dolenz. He may have been your dad, Mickey, but heeeeeeeeeeeeee's not your stepping stone, no, no, no.)1980 Garette Patrick Ratliff [aka Garette Henson aka Patrick Henson aka Garette Ratliff Henson aka Garette Patrick Ratliff Henson] actor who plays in movie Return to Blue Lagoon (Ummmm... Who? What? There was a second movie? Kid, hire yourself a new agent, figure out what name you'll call yourself, and read more scripts. Seriously. Duh. Apparently played in the Mighty Ducks movies, too, and according to his bio he played hockey even after the movies! Wow, such an important factoid that it almost makes him a god. Almost. Except he cannot decide on a name, so I guess he cannot be anything or anyone. Period.)
Just thought I'd share those with you. Why? because it's Sunday, I'm bored, and now I want birthday cake. And so do you. You're welcome.
