THE FINAL DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, #6-12

The Final Days of Christmas, #6-12

Day #6 = St. Egwin of Worcester - A guy who lived in the late 600's, a bishop known for protecting orphans and widows, and famous for crossing the Alps without water (duh).  He prayed for water because he was thirsty, and apparently water sprang forth from a rock (his lucky day or snow started melting - either explanation is entirely plausible).  Egwin also supported the sanctity of marriage, so I suggest that we all eat cake today, preferable white cake with white frosting.

Day #7 = New Year's Eve, which in modern times ushers in lots of debauchery and Bacchanalian behavior.  The Scots call it "Hogmanay," which basically means "big celebration" (aka: debauchery and Bacchanalian behavior).  The feast honors St. Sylvester who slayed a dragon,  which we all totally believe because dragons are real, so I guess anything fire-cooked (BBQ, hibachi, etc.) is okay for tonight ... with bubbly.  Don't forget the bubbly.

Day #8 = January 1st, New Year's Day: Also the day of Jesus's circumcision.  I'm not entirely sure what's on the feast docket for this one, and it's hard not to be sacrilegious with my suggestions (hot dogs, sausages, wienie roast, cocktail hot dogs).  Maybe we should all just take a few aspirins and call it a day.

Day #9 = St. Basil the Great gave a lot of money to the poor.  He was wicked philanthropic that way, so his feast involves baking gold coins into bread, which I think is fabulous.  Imagine going to the bank or the store and sticking your fingers into the bread loaf to make your deposit or pay for your order?  That would be daft and hilarious and disturbing all at the same time.  Nowadays, though, people are so stupid and so sue-happy that you should probably substitute raisins or craisins or chocolate chips for the coins.

Day #10 = Jesus is officially named in the Jewish temple, and today's feast is all about desserts.  This is fabulous!  Thank you, Jesus, and I mean that in the sweetest way possible.  Now, move aside -- I'm about to attack the candy aisle.

Day #11 = No medieval feast information comes up about Day #11, but I do discover that some dude named Simon Stylites, around the mid 400's, lived on a platform on the top of a pillar for 37 years.  Think about that -- how often did passers-by get peed on (or worse)?   I'm thinking lemonade or green-yellow Gatorade or a colonoscopy prep is in order for Day #11, which, of course, would prep us all for ...

Day #12 = Epiphany Eve, Twelfth Night, wassailing, costume parties, and a whole slew of fabulous celebratory shenanigans.  Epiphany is when the tree is supposed to come down, branch by branch, and be burned in a giant bonfire, which sounds like great fun except that my tree is fake and we would all die of asphyxiation. Many places still hold their gifts until Epiphany, but here in America we decided to shorten the whole process to two days for convenience.  Damn Americans.

Anyway, Happy Twelve Days of Christmas.  See you next year!