I arrive home today to find the brand new hot water heater still camped out complacently in the driveway. With everyone who lives here gone at work all day, the contraption sits unguarded and within full view of both a busy street and a busy industrial park. I honestly cannot believe that it's still here and has not yet been stolen. I let myself into my house and begin the fine art of snacking on unhealthy food, like Extra-Toasty Cheez-Its and Milano cookies and beer (not together, though).
Suddenly there is a knock on my door. I look out the window, but I don't see anyone, so I ignore it. More knocks follow. Now I am convinced that it must be the neighborhood kids. They tried similar shit a few years ago, and I went all Gran Torino on them. I throw the door open to see ...
A metal clamp-like claw attached to what looks like a dryer vent hose. I follow it to a strange robot with futuristic rollers on its feet. Apparently it cannot get up the stairs, so it stretches its snake-like appendages to knock.
"I've come a-courtin'," it says in a mechanical voice. "I am a Class M-3 Model B-9 General Utility Non-Theorizing Environmental Control Robot, also known as 'Robot.' I'd like to date your hot water heater."
Robot is undeterred. Still, however, the hot water heater just sits there. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, a strange foil-covered saucer arrives, and a homely gentleman sticks his head out of the flying machine. Next to him, a red-headed boy with an old-fashioned bowl haircut skips from the saucer, grasps Robot's clamp-hand, and gently leads it back to the end of the driveway. They board the saucer and seem to prepare for take-off.
I can hear them exclaim as they drive out of sight: "Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! Danger! Merry hot water heater to all, and to all, a good night."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RG0ochx16Dg
PS: If that contraption is still here tomorrow, I swear I'm putting holiday decorations on it and and putting it up for grabs on E-bay.
