DO NOT GO TO BED WITH DAMP HAIR

I'm going to do something I am actually against doing -- but I must do this for duty and humanity.  I am going to post a picture of myself.  Maybe two. 

I must do it.  It's a public service.  However, I will heavily edit the pictures with some fancy filters to prevent anyone from being too shocked and sickened.  First, though: The Advice. Here it comes.  Are you ready?  Is everyone's food fully digested? Okay, listen up:

DO NOT GO TO BED WITH DAMP HAIR.

I mean it.  Don't do it.  Unless you're impersonating Nick Nolte's mug shot or want to look just like Larry Fine, do NOT do it if your hair is remotely longer than your ears.

I shower, put some mousse in my hair, brush it out, slick it back, and go to sleep with it still a little damp.  When I wake up around 2:30 a.m., my hair is wonky, to say the least.  I zap the freaky side with some spray (just water in a mister) and head back to bed, sleeping on the not wonky side of my head.  I figure I'll do a little styling when I get up for work. The alarm goes off about two and a half hours later.  I stumble down the stairs, catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror, and --

HOLYMOTHERFUCKEROFHORROR!  Hide the alcohol and bury the car keys; Nick Notle's in the house!  Larry Fine is searching my bathroom for his fiddle!  JesusMaryandJoseph, we are all going to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait.  Wait a second.  Hold the phone.  This isn't California, and that's not Nick Nolte.  Holy crap, it's just me.  I am the Phantom of the Reflection.  I resemble Medusa on a bad hair day.  I have slops of wavy hair that look like giant dreadlocks gone terrifyingly wrong.  I look like my hair went through the blender and forgot to come out the other end.

Anyway, two pics for your viewing pleasure, but without my exact face because if you think the hair is frightening, you ain't seen nothing yet.  I'll at least spare you that agony.  And, for the love of all things sane, please remember to dry your hair before going to bed.  That is all.