BIG SALE! GOING OUT OF BUSINESS!I am out and about with a friend when I decide that I need to buy a new game to take with me on a mini-vacation. When I am away on vacation, it seems like I always bring the same games, so I convince myself that I need a new game of some kind. Must change it up once in a while, right?
I know. I'll go to Toy's R Us! They're having a GREAT sale! They're going belly-up, so there should be some unbelievable sales. They're in the news, on TV, all over social media: "UP TO 70% OFF!" My friend and I are so very excited about the sale. Maybe I'll get some weird game I've never seen before, and I'll get it for something crazy like $5 or maybe even less.
There are as many cars in the lot as there might be on any other given weekday, nothing like the crazy traffic between Black Friday and Christmas Eve. They're still open, so that's a good sign, and people are here, which is also a good sign. We are practically giggling with glee thinking about the unbelievable mark-downs we are about to see.We stroll past the signs outside, touting big sales with big discounts and big savings! Should we get a carriage? Should we buy more stuff? After all, the store is CLOSING ... FOREVER. Right?
Well ... maybe. Not so fast.
The store is well-stocked, so well-stocked, in fact, that it is obvious it will not be closing any time soon. I'm not sure I've ever seen the shelves so full. Most of it is infant and toddler play-stuff, but still. It looks like there are so many toys and strollers and articles of clothing that it resembles a brand new store at its grand opening.
Curiously, there are no board games. None. Not one.
That's not the kicker, though. The kicker is that some of the store isn't even on sale, and what is on sale is only 10% off. That's right, you read that correctly. 10%. Oh, sure, the video games have some that may be 15%, and there is an occasional 30% on things like New Baby calendars from 2016. I don't know how they intend to sell off their inventory at 10% discount. Even at 90% of the regular Toys R Us prices, they are 20% above Wal-Mart and Amazon prices. Why on Earth would anyone shop here? Where's the sale? Where are the desperate clutches of bankruptcy? Where should the vultures roost if this is a no-roosting zone?
I don't get any news games, and I go on vacation with the usual entertainment: Yahtzee, Cribbage, and a wide assortment of paper-copy puzzles. I do have one suggestion, though. Perhaps Toys R Us should go for truth in advertising: "10% off our prices; 70% off our integrity; 0% fucks given."
