I have a Tom-Tom that likes to shame me amusingly using the voice of Scottish comedian Billy Connelly. My Waze app used to be set to Elvis, but Elvis has apparently left the Waze building. Not a huge Arnold Schwarzenegger fan nor am I fond of boy bands, there is little left to choose from voice-wise on Waze, so I opt for the traditional Siri clone voice. Speaking of Siri, both my sister and I have Goggle maps on our cell phones.
But, my sister is more like me than she would ever dare to admit publicly. You see, she has a Garmin GPS, and the voice setting is for Dr. Nightmare.
Dr. Nightmare speaks in a creepy, baritone, semi-British accent with an echoing quality to its vocal delivery. When he first starts speaking, I crack up. The fun wears off, though, when Dr. Nightmare gives us instructions for which we are not prepared, making us jump in our seats, straining against the seat belts because the creepy-voiced guy in the dash-machine has just scared the living shit out of us. Of course, this just makes us laugh even harder.
We are crossing through some historically bucolic countryside, out in the middle of East Bumboot, totally not near anything remotely civilized, when Dr. Nightmare randomly announces, "Never mind that noise coming from the trunk!"
Holycrapola. Is he talking to us?
The strange thing is that he says the same exact thing when we pass by that same exact location on the return trip. I wonder if there is some sort of trigger that tells the GPS to say this when the map shows no other living, breathing soul within scream distance. I mean, really. Imagine some technician decides to add that feature just to frighten unsuspecting motorists. How totally cool would that be?
Wait a second. This "dreadful destination" is my house!
Okay, so Dr. Nightmare is noooo Billy Connelly. However, he does run a close second place.
