POINT, CLICK, AND SPRAY

I am the stupidest person on the face of the planet.  You know that spray lotion that comers in a canister?  I buy two of those today because I need more lotion and because they're on sale (buy one, get one 50% off).  I get the two canisters home, turn the tops, hit the button, and ...

Nothing.

I cannot even get the button to depress, so I start pinching and pulling on the top, thinking I must have to release something.  Nope, still nothing.  So I look for a tab-pull to access the button.  Nothing at all. 

I read the side of the canister:  Just point, click, and spray!  (Really?  Really, motherfucker?!)

I am starting to get pissed off now.  I'm thinking I'm going to have to go back to the store and ask for help.  I wonder if the pharmacist knows how to make the damn spray lotion actually BE spray lotion.

Okay, this cannot be so difficult.  I try again.  Push button ... push ... push push ... pushpushpushpushpushpushpush button, damn you!

I Google "How to open spray lotion canister" and "How to use spray lotion" like I am some kind of moron, which, ironically, I am.

Finally, I put on my super-reading glasses. 

Anyone who has been to my house will notice that I have about twenty pairs of glasses in various strengths and in all styles and colors.  For this mission, I put on the 2.75+ glasses.  This is when I notice in tiny plastic lettering in the exact same material and color shade as the push button, right there on the push button, the miniscule word "lock."  There also appears to be a line.

I slide the top in the direction of the line and away from the word "lock."  Magically, this simple maneuver unlocks the top and exposes the spray nozzle.  Success!  It only took me five minutes, Google, a panic attack, and two pairs of glasses to figure it out. 

Go ahead -- mock me!  I can take it.  I may be the stupidest person on the face of the planet, but now I have soft skin and I smell pretty, too.