I am not even going to attempt to write a coherent post today. I mean, really. Why bother? I'm going to make a short list of things I'm going to do today, instead.
1. Tear the head off the bitch who rented me the Toyota Yaris. It wasn't until I was 70 miles from home that I realized the lighter/charger port did NOT work. At that time I was semi-lost in the boonies of the bowels of New Hampshire without GPS or cell phone. Thanks, you f*****g bitch. (First time I've used Hertz ... Last time I'll use Hertz?)
3. Find the woman who pulled in front of me when the speed limit finally changed to 45 mph ... and went 28 mph, anyway, just to be a douche. When I do find her, I am going to stuff her into the trunk of that f*****g rental car I have.
4. Thank the service rep who checked into my warranty and discovered that the repairs and the rental will be covered minus a $100 deductible.
5. Choke the living s**t out of people in charge who think they are smarter than I am because they can repeat 1980's educational buzzwords. You are ruining American public school education. Go find a tree in the woods and stay there until someone cares ... which will be never.
6. Think kindly of the store that didn't get mad at me when I unfolded (rather than bought) the map to see where the f**k I was in the boonies of the bowels of New Hampshire and find an alternate route home. Think, but not patronize again. I do not ever want to be stuck in that neck of my old home state ever, ever again. (Okay, it wasn't that bad. Or maybe it was.)
7. Finish my f*****g thesis already. Die, Thesis. Just die already.
8. Thank the wonderful people who allowed me to plug my phone and charger into their car outlet while we fed the team after the lacrosse game while out in the boonies of the bowels of New Hampshire, where electricity is something that apparently hasn't been invented yet.
9. Find a way to trade homemade chocolate chip cookies for electricity. It worked well today, and I felt more appreciated than I do when the electric company just cashes my check and screws me the following month with higher rates.
10. Be thankful that my car broke down yesterday while going to work rather than today while out, alone, cell-phone powerless, and without GPS, in the middle of the boonies of the bowels of New Hampshire where I was somewhere east of Bumshoe and just north of Bumf**k.
(Truth is New Hampshire is a lovely state. I am just pissy in general. Deal with it.)
