We are on our way to her bridal hair trial, which means she gets all dolled up while I sip wine at the salon. It's a win-win deal. We are early, so we pass the salon and head to Dunkin Donuts. There's a Dunkins right across the street from the salon, but there are four lanes of traffic to cross coming and going, so we opt for the one further up the road on the correct side of the street.
Daughter is convincing me that I will actually like the drink. By the time we get through the long traffic light, I am completely psyched to try pumpkin iced coffee. I practice ordering the coffee as I pull up to the drive through ordering device. Medium pumpkin iced coffee with cream and sugar... Medium pumpkin iced coffee with cream and sugar... Medium pumpkin iced coffee with cream and sugar...
I can hear the workers in the background, crackling through the speaker when suddenly a voice blasts, "Welcome to Dunkin Donuts, what can I get you today?"
I am so goddamn excited that I screw it up. "Medium iced coffee... er, pumpkin ... cream and sugar ... "
Damnit, I fucked it up. Fuck my life! Fuck, fuck, fuck. I want a do-over.
The voice responds, "Medium pumpkin iced coffee with cream and sugar."
Oh, thank the dear lord, he understands me. As they say on Say Yes to the Dress - Atlanta, "ThankyouJesus, ThankyouJesus, ThankyouJesus."
Then silence. Long, unnecessarily unnerving silence.
The voice crackles again. "We ... uh ... we're ... um ... WE'RE ALL OUT OF PUMPKIN TODAY!"
After he says this, I can hear him ducking away from the drive-through window.
I am at this point completely dumbfounded. My daughter and I look at each other for a millisecond and seriously consider driving south a few miles and crossing the dangerously congested, high-speed, voluminous four lanes of craziness just for coffee.
Voice again. "Hahahahahaha, I'm just kidding. $2.79, drive up."
This is exactly why I don't own a gun.
