Guess what day it is in your school? It's CHump Day. You people and your entire staff should be fired immediately and replaced with people who actually understand the middle school mentality.
Look, honestly, who cares if the students are going around saying, "Guess what day it is? It's HUMP DAY!" I could understand if this were a high school and they were using "hump" as a euphemism for ... well ... hump (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, ya know what I mean). But apparently the only thing annoying staff at your school is the fact that the kids are always yelling, "Guess what day it is? It's HUMP DAY!"
For the love of Mike, do you have any damn idea how LUCKY you are? This is your biggest, most pressing issue? You don't have anyone at all trained in adolescent development to solve this huge, horrible, dangerous problem at your school?
You people are a bunch of fucking idiots.
I could stop this phenomenon in one day, one class period, hell, I could probably stop it in less than five minutes. Are you ready? You sure? Here it comes. I wouldn't want you to miss it, being Hump Day and all. Lean close... closer ... put your eyes right up against the computer screen so you don't let it pass you by. Here's the secret solution:
Have all the adults in your building start asking, "Guess what day it is? It's HUMP DAY!"
Start every announcement with, "Guess how many more days until Hump Day? ... Today is Hump Day ... It has been two days since Hump Day..." Have the teachers ask the students in the hallways and the lunchroom and the classrooms, "Guess what day it is? C'mon, c'mon, guess guess guess guess... Guess what day it is?"
Once the students see and hear the adults tossing the phrase around, it will no longer be cool. Not only will it not be cool, it'll be freakin' freezing. They will stop saying it and they'll be quite annoyed by it... You know, like your staff is annoyed by it right now. Middle Schoolers are annoying -- it's their job, and they're damn good at it. It's sort of the basic behavior of that age group. You people need to get over yourselves.
But that's really not the point. The point is that you could have a gunman in your building slaughtering children. You could have a roof collapse during a sudden tornado and wipe out entire grades-worth of students. You could have a rash of cancer deaths due to contaminated water polluting the school filtration system. You could have kids committing heinous acts of violence upon each other. You could have kids committing suicide, doing drugs, hungry, homeless...
No, you have kids who annoy you because they keep saying it's Hump Day. Hump Day. Goddamn mother-fucking Hump Day.
What the hell is wrong with you people? I'd tell you to grow up, but I seriously think that's what your problem is -- you've grown old and stale and irrelevant. I wish that were the biggest problem at our school, I truly do. I wish the worst thing I had to worry about today is how many times I have to hear, "Guess what day it is? GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS?!" I would kiss the ground those kids walk on if they were all healthy, happy, and alive enough to tell me 1,000 times a day every single day, "It's Hump Day!"
I apologize, Vernon Center Middle School administration and staff. I don't know you, this is true, at least I don't know you personally. But I know of you. I know dozens of people like you. If you're burnt out, take a leave of absence. But if Hump Day drives you into the Middle School Overload Zone, then there isn't enough Valium nor training courses nor professional development opportunities in the world to cure you.
Instead of punishing the kids for saying. "Guess what day it is? It's Hump Day," why don't you worry about truly crucial things like making sure the kids get educated and feel safe and nurtured in your school. Please remember that to some of these kiddos, you are the only sane, stable, secure adult in their lives. Don't fuck it all up over Hump Day. Jump on the damn camel and join the fun.
Sincerely,
A Middle School Teacher Who is Mysteriously and Perpetually Stuck in Junior High Mode Who Wants You To Guess What Day It Is ... C'mon, Guess Guess Guess Guess Guess Guess ...
