I admit it. I openly
admit that I pick on the weather forecasters.
I mean, truly. You have the sky,
you have Doppler radar, you have computer models, you have satellite imagery, you
have maps, you have cameras showing you live action of what's going on outside
the studio, and still you cannot correctly forecast the simplest of things.
Today while driving to work, I listened intently as the
radio geared up to give me today's weather prognostication. Here it comes … get
ready … this takes science and brains and decades of study … you ready? … you
sure? … Here it is:
"Today expect rain, sun, and clouds."
Really. Rain. Sun.
And clouds.
I noticed she forgot about the tsunamis, the eternal
darkness, and the locusts.
Here's the real weather forecast, kids:
Today there will be
some gradual lightening as morning arrives.
Somewhere around noontime, it will be 12:00. After that, there may be rain, clouds, fog, snow,
thunder, and maybe some rampant elderberries running through, if they so
choose. After that, the skies will begin
to darken as night arrives later in the evening. Then
the moon will be visible to anyone out of the cloud cover area. There may or may not be any wind, but there
might be some if it so happens that there is some air movement. If not, expect calmness until the morning's
first light, when this whole entire process repeats itself, with or without
rain, clouds, and sun. I know that's
scary hearing about the future and all, but don't worry. I'm a professional.
Jeez. I could've said
that today's weather might be rain, sun, and clouds, and I would not have even
made them actually pay me.
Weather forecasters should be paid only when they're
correct. If not, maybe we should have a
happy-faced guillotine waiting nearby.
We may not get an accurate forecast, but the good news is that we'd
never have to listen to that particular idiot a second time.
