Caterpillar poop sucks.
No, I mean it sucks to things with vacuum grips. It's all over my patio, the walkway, and my
car.
Okay, I should probably admit that I haven't washed my car
in about a month, and all the bugs from my trips to Springfield (MA), Albany
(NY), and Burlington (VT) are still plastered to the grill and front end of my
white Caliber. The bugs I expect to
scrub off post-car wash because their guts are plastered all over the car, and
they all impacted at about 85 mph. But
after paying for the high-power car wash, I was hoping at least some of the
caterpillar poop would go, as well.
No such luck.
So now my new, bright idea is to go outside in the sun of
90+ degree heat with a bucket of water and some Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. Not to plug product placement in the blog,
but these things are truly the greatest invention since disposable
diapers. I don't know what the freak is
in them, probably something deadly to my skin and toxic to my lungs. All I know is that these damn sponges are the
answer to everyday prayers. They take
marks off walls, stains off appliances, and non-paint-related marks off of
cars.
And they are truly magical at removing caterpillar poop.
The best part is that my arms got a great workout today,
especially when I have to hang on for dear life while attempting to scrub the
roof. But the car looks mostly white
again. Some of the brown and yellow bug
guts remain from the larger beetles, and there is still some black, tarry
caterpillar dung, but, for the most part, the car actually looks like its
original color again.
I top off the scrubbing with some Windex on the windows,
removing as much of the green pollen as I can from the side windows and
windshield. I also spray the crap out of
the bug carcasses that cling to my side mirrors and lights. By the time I'm done, the only attention the
tires get is a quick swipe with the Magic Erasers because I'm simply too sweaty
to do any more.
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Of course, my efforts may well be futile. Tomorrow my car will have new caterpillar
poop on it, and it will be a slightly green hue from all the dusty pollen. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I
try, the car will still get poop and pollen on it every single day. I have an assigned parking spot in my half of
the driveway out front. Much as I
appreciate it later in the summer, it is springtime that aggravates me because
my space is right under a huge tree.
Poop on, little caterpillars, but when you end up all
cocooned and captive, don't come crying to me.
