I have a remarkably juvenile sense of humor.
I'm watching sports on TV. Hockey, to be specific. I've watched hockey for 89% of my life (according to my phone calculator). My great-uncle invented the modern hockey stick . . . which, I guess means it was modern for its time and bore his name. So, I have a relatively secure working knowledge of the sport.
As I am watching the commentators during period breaks, I see them using white boards and markers while trying really hard to explain the nuances of hockey to the average layman, as if the average layman actually watches hockey without a basic understanding of the sport. I suppose if I were to watch Cricket being played on TV, I'd need such elementary sketches. I commend these professionals for their expertise, but, with all the technological advances these days, why are we using Little League white boards?
The problem with these boards, other than being gauche, is the basic hockey zone set up. A hockey board should look like the rink. The whole rink. Blue lines, center ice, and all four (offensive and defensive) zone circles. This is basic stuff. I can buy myself one of these hockey clipboard items at a local sporting goods store.
DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT I SEE?
BOOBIES.
That's what I see. Boobs and nipples. You are drawing hockey plays all across Chesty Morgan.
It's really hard to take seriously any hockey advice from someone drawing little blocks skating across BOOBS on national television. All I see and hear is this: "Well, first Frank skates over the chest wall and passes the pectoralis muscle to the small ducts. Once Freddy comes across that massive areola, he's able to take the puck as it's passed from the inflamed mammary lymph nodes right smack into the major ducts. If there's no lactation, Floyd should be able to overtake the nipple and have the breast game of the playoffs!"
Yes, I'm just snickering over here every time that board makes its way to the viewing audience. Yes, I have a juvenile sense of humor. Yes, that's probably why I teach middle school. And yes, now every single time that board flashes across your TV screen, you'll be yelling BOOBIES, too.
You are sincerely welcome!
