MOTHERS' DAY 2022

 I recently had occasion to return to my mother's grave for the first time since we buried her. 

It's a terrible thing for some of us to realize as we grow up that there is very little love to lose between ourselves and our parents because there's very little there from the start. We can make tons of excuses as to why that is, but it doesn't solve nor resolve anything. 

I don't recall when exactly my mother gave up on herself and, subsequently, the rest of us. Eventually my father followed suit. Or maybe he turned first. I cannot remember it clearly. I just know that somewhere around my ninth or tenth birthday, everything just kind of "wasn't" anymore.

My mother died while I was pregnant with my second child, my only daughter. That meant a good fifteen years of maternal disinterest on her part. My mother was gravely ill at the end. Putting her in the ground may have been the only peace that woman found. 

Being a mom is a tough job, but, once you're in, you simply must commit. This is no part-time job. This is no side business. Being a parent is the single most important job you can ever do. I've given it a pretty decent shot. Despite my incredibly short apprenticeship, I feel like I've made some solid choices.

I'm not perfect. But, to be honest, where's the challenge in that?

Several people have asked why it has taken me thirty-six years to return to my mother's grave, despite several times being mere streets from the cemetery south of Boston. I don't know the answer to that. If we hadn't gone there to bury another family member, I'm not sure I would've gone yet, either. 

But, while we are there, we plant flowers, clear the dirt from my mother's grave marker, and are pleased to see the beautiful tree that provides summer shade. The grounds are meticulous. The grounds staff is taking very good care of my mother, and I am, as are my remaining siblings, glad for it. 

For those of you with mothers, living or past, that you hold near and dear to your heart, I truly envy you. I don't remember what that feels like, but I believe my own children do. My toughest yet most rewarding job ever for which becoming and being a grandparent is the ultimate reward.

To you moms and moms-to-be fighting that good fight and doing that great job every day, even on days when you falter, enjoy the blessings. Mothers' Day belongs to all of you.