And what's with the bruhaha over Halloween costumes. Now they're offensive, too? I can't wear my 1970's get-up because I might offend some aging hippy. Truly. The Hippy Dippy Police strike again. Stop. Just. Stop.
What's next, you holiday rapists?
New Year's Eve offends you because one day is celebrated over the others as the beginning of the year. I mean, why can't March 4th be the first day of the year since it literally translates as step forward. Wouldn't that make sense? But, then the other 364 days would feel bad. Okay, that's it. No more New Year's for you. No more New Year's for me. No more New Year's for anyone. Stop. Just. Stop.
The Easter Bunny offends chinchillas; Valentine's Day offends other geometric shapes; Labor Day offends pregnant women because the word "labor" scares them, and plus "labor" can only refer to slaves and Communists, so stop using it. Fourth of July, Smourth of July -- No one cares about the Constitution anymore, so the Declaration of Independence must be nothing more than glorified toilet paper.
Pretty soon Thanksgiving will be outlawed because it offends the turkeys, potatoes, squash, and pumpkin pie. So will every other damn day because everything offends somebody over anything. Ooops. Down with my overuse of indefinite pronouns! There should be a law against indefinite pronouns.
Too bad, though, because I like a good celebration. You want to know how I'm going to celebrate? First, I'm strolling down to Starbucks for a red cup of holiday coffee...
