Everybody gets snow but
me. Honestly, I live in the strangest
pocket.
Years ago when we got hit
by The Great 80’s Ice Storm, I lost cable and phone service, but I never lost
power. I had to drive a kiddo home mere miles away. It looked like another world, all gray and
colorless and totally iced over, powerless and lightless. But everything was fine in my neighborhood.
Sometimes it’s the
opposite problem. Neighborhoods and
towns around me get a few inches of snow, but I live in a wind tunnel
neighborhood (which surprises me that we don’t lose power more often). The wind tunnel effect creates areas of huge
snow accumulations sometimes. My side of
the shared driveway is the worst, and the snow piles against the fence,
creating inches, sometimes feet, of more snow.
(One of these storms, I’m going to kick that fence down and pretend the
wind did it.)
Today, though, we get our
first snow. Well, some people do. The most it snows here is a small spattering
of mini-flakes for about a half-a-milli-second.
I see people posting pictures on social network about the snow piling
up. My friends in the city (Boston) tell
me it’s snowing like crazy there. I see
posted pictures of Gillette Stadium with snow completely coating the field.
I look outside
expectantly. Nothing. Like Yukon Cornelius searching for gold and
silver, silver and gold … Nothin’.
When the rain lets up, the
wind is so strong that the patio furniture I left outside dries almost
instantly. I pile up the plastic chairs
that have survived well-past their prime already, leaning them against the part
of the fence that does not annoy me, then I bring in the metal table and
chairs. I finally manage to get the air
conditioners out of the windows with some help from my daughter and
son-in-law. (Don’t judge me – it still
gets miserably warm and humid sometimes in October. I like to sleep in comfort.)
Still, no snow, though.
I am minding my own
business when I see online posts from nearby friends, bemoaning via cell phone
that they cannot watch the Patriots game because the power has gone off. Listening to the wind, I decide I should
probably crank up the heat for a few minutes and jump in the shower before I,
too, lose power and run out of hot water.
Silly me.
It won’t snow here, and I
probably won’t lose power, either. But
now at least I smell all clean and my hair is all damp-wavy because I didn’t
bother blow-drying it … you know … in case I lose power while drying my hair
and only one side of my head looks decent.
Remind me in a month or
two or three or four or five, remind me when I’m pissing and moaning about
shoveling mountains of the white crap, remind me when I’m frozen through from
the icy Nor’easters that are sure to come – Remind me then of what I am about
to tell you now:
It didn’t snow here today,
and I’m damn sorry I missed it.
