THE QUEST FOR COFFEE

Every morning we teachers are expected to stand in the hallways and monitor the students as they arrive and go to their lockers.  This is because we've had several bizarre accidents over the last couple of years: slamming fingers into lockers and severing veins badly enough to shoot blood across the hallway, slamming lockers shut onto people's heads, standing up from lower lockers to cut faces open on upper lockers, stealing others' locks and locking them onto random lockers, jamming pencils and pens into the locking mechanisms so that the lockers will seem locked but actually aren't, sticking ABC (Already Been Chewed) gum on the bottom of the opening levers so unsuspecting students get handfuls of sticky crud stuck to them when they try to change out their books in between classes.

You know, the usual junior high/middle school hijinks.

Every morning the principal comes down and stands in our hallway as the sixth graders go one way and the seventh graders go two ways.  She seems to be checking up on the teachers, which I think is hilarious because out of every single corridor in the building, ours is the most populated with teachers ... not because we care so much what goes on, but because we're incredibly social. 

I have chosen as my post the strategic point where there is a cubby of about two dozen lockers in a now defunct (due to construction) hallway, the Hallway to Nowhere.

Every morning my routine is the same.  I greet the kids loudly and exuberantly and ask them if they're all oh-so happy to be in school.  They are usually still bleary-eyed and grumpy, and many of them are downright embarrassed that I am even speaking to them, let alone so loudly and with such gusto.

Finally, ten months into our school year and mere weeks from its end, one of the students comes up to me and asks, "Why do you drink so much coffee in the morning?"

I smile.  I don't drink coffee, I explain to her; love the smell but hate the taste.

She gapes at me for a moment then asks, "Tea?  Soda?  Red Bull?"

Nope, I reply honestly, nothing but water in the morning for me.  Not a breakfast person.

She shakes her head sadly, completely confused.  "You mean, " she states incredulously, "you're like this ... NATURALLY?"

I grin.

"Please," she begs me, "please, please, please don't start drinking coffee, whatever you do."  Then she walks off down the hallway to her homeroom.

As she disappears down through the lobby and into the opposite wing of the building, it dawns on my why the principal stands where she stands.  She's either there to see my morning show, or she, too, is wondering what the hell I would be like if I were to ingest high-test caffeine before coming in to work in the morning.  Probably be a lot like watching a mouse on speed try to maneuver a maze. Gotta admit.  I'd pay money to see that. 

I bought coffee at the store today.  I think my summer vacation quest will be to train myself to drink coffee in the morning.  I'm curious to see how that will work out when September rolls around.  I welcome your suggestions for combos.