I read a report today that flip-flops are bad for our feet.
Look, folks, walking
is bad for our feet. It forces our poor
feet, often one at a time, to fully support our entire over-ripened frames. All those tiny little bones, laced together,
bearing the bad choices of our ice cream addictions.
Okay, maybe it's my ice cream addiction. Don't judge me.
I live in flip-flops during the summer. I wear them everywhere and have multiple
colors, styles, and heel-heights. I
already have bad feet -- I sliced one almost in half and had the other one
completely rebuilt. How much damage can
flip-flops do? I have about a dozen
pairs, and I'm not ready to part with them.
I even keep a spare set in the car. Honestly, there's a good reason for this. The first reason is that occasionally I will
plan ahead, get changed after work, then drive right up to the beach. If I already have flip-flops in the car, it's
one less thing I have to pack in the morning. The main reason I keep an extra pair, though,
is because once I was working in my classroom during the summer, and my
flip-flops broke. I didn't have a spare
pair, and I had to work barefoot and walk around barefoot in the hallways. The janitorial staff wasn't too pleased about
that. Now I always have spares handy.
Apparently flip-flops are bad for our feet for a couple of
reasons. The lack of support is bad for
the arches. Now, who made up this pile
of hooey? Flip-flips, at least the foam
or rubber ones, conform to our feet. Doesn't
that mean that after a few wearings, the arch and foot support occur naturally?
Isn't that beneficial as opposed to a
pre-created arch that isn't an exact fit? This is a fallacy. Right now I'm looking at my most beat-up pair
of flip-flops, and I can guarantee they fit my feet perfectly. Judging from the indentations, my feet could
still be in the damn things. I can even
see each toe imprint.
Toes -- This is another reason why flip-flops are bad to
wear. The crinkling of toes to grip the
flip-flop as we walk is apparently yanking our plantar fasciae. I've had Plantar Fasciitis, and I woke up with
it. I wasn't wearing flip-flops to bed,
believe me. I'm weird, but even I'm not that weird. I consider the flip-flop-toe-grip as a form
of exercise. Some days it's the sole
exercise I get. Curl, little toes, CURL.
There's only one reason why flip-flops are dangerous, and I
discovered it firsthand walking in Boston last summer: Old people who are crowding onto tour buses
and don't want to wait their turn as we walk by will step on the back of the
flip-flops and give us major foot bruises that really, really hurt, especially
if we still have about five more miles to walk. So don't ever wear flip-flops around errant
mobs of old people. That's super
dangerous and should be discouraged.
I don't believe that flip-flops are bad for our feet. I believe that reading reports about
flip-flops being bad for our feet is harmful. Next they'll tell us sneakers cause back
injuries or that only Liberals wear Crocs. (Just so everyone knows, I am unenrolled in
any political party and have never bought Crocs in my life. They strike me as uber-expensive jelly shoes,
and I just cannot make myself buy them.)
There are enough things out in the world that are harmful: cigarettes,
car exhaust, GMO's, insecticide, soda, tightrope walking, and anything that
slimes its way out of a Congressional committee. I wouldn't bother putting flip-flops on any
FBI watch list or anything.
But, in the meantime, if you're really concerned and have
any extra flip-flops in sizes 7 ½ or 8, and said flip-flops haven't conformed
to your feet yet, I am more than willing to risk my foot health for you. See what a good friend I am? I would suffer another bout of Plantar
Fasciitis for you! I would so do that
for you! Bryan Adams should write a song
about me.
