ROLL ON

It has finally happened, and it only took six years. For the first time since that ridiculous Covid blasphemy, I have relaxed enough to allow my toilet paper supply to dwindle to a reasonable low.

For the first time since the infamous toilet paper hoarding of 2020, I am down to only two spare rolls.

In all honesty, one of those rolls has been with me since 2020. I borrowed it from school when we went back for the Fall session (teaching remote and in-person at the same time) as my emergency back-up roll. I have kept it as a reminder that we were once all insane and that some people are/have bigger arseholes than the rest of us. When I finally retire, I might quietly slip it back into the staff bathroom. 

I do not panic in my two-roll back-up position. Technically, I still have three rolls since the one on the toilet paper holder is a full roll, as well. I live alone. Unless I have a sudden influx of unwanted guests or catch the Norovirus (again), I should be safe until I get to the store in a couple of days.

Still, though, it's a slightly off-center feeling, this knowledge of toilet paper weakness, that I am finally, for the first time in more than half of a decade, low on toilet paper.

When I do finally get to Market Basket, there is no shortage whatsoever in brand, style, scent, size, ply-strength, or package capacity among the choices. I go for two-ply unscented, swooping in and bringing home an eight-pack of rolls.

I won't lie: Even though I was never in danger of running out of toilet paper, not now and not even during the pandemic when we all traded rolls for things like meals and medicine and Covid tests, it feels strangely satisfying and somewhat reassuring to have more toilet paper than a single person could possibly need for the next foreseeable future.