STRESSED WORK IN PROGRESS

Stress.
One of my least favorite roommates. 

Stress lives rent-free in professional life.

Stress lives rent-free in my personal life.

Stress lives rent-free in my social life. 

Some days 

Stress takes up a huge space and should be

Paying a larger portion of my emotional expenses. 

Some days I am lucky enough to get by without 

Stress

Because Stress seems to be taking a vacation. 

(Perhaps I just trampled it with overuse.) 

Either way, I have mastered several ways to 

Keep Stress at bay most of the time. 

Not always, but 

I'm a work in progress.

SAME OLD SAME OLD TRAVEL BLIPS

Whenever I travel, two things always happen without fail: 1. Some stranger accosts my personal space; and 2. My glasses break.

The first happens when I am minding my own business at Logan Airport. Regular readers of this blog will recognize the same old story. I am in a near-empty gate, sitting alone and away from humans, charging my phone, and generally minding my own damn business. Apparently I have a neon sign above my head that says, "Come! All ye who are loud and obnoxious, all ye who chew loudly, and who speak on your phones as if the whole world needs to know your life choices. Come, sit near me for a long, long while because I certainly don't wreak of 'Leave me the fuck alone' vibes."

A man, probably about my age, sits in a seat directly behind me (remember, the gate is near empty, so at least fifty other seats are completely unoccupied), starts up a video call, and proceeds to tell a woman (his poor wife?) all about everything from his travel woes to his pus-filled hemorrhoids. I know she can see me on the video call, and I've half a mind to swivel my head and scream, "Who are you talking to, you two-timing bastard?!" 

Finally, he says mercifully, "Let me put on my headphones so we can have a private conversation." Then, and this is the ridiculous part, he puts on the headphones but does not plug them into his phone. He continues on his very loud video call, only he's louder since he cannot hear clearly because he is basically now wearing mufflers on his ears. I turn, glance over my shoulder but am disappointed to see that he has angled the phone to the right so only half of his face is on the video screen (and none of mine). I shake my head and move two aisles over in the same waiting area because there is no one else here.

The second problem I have when traveling is that my glasses always break. Oh, they never break when I'm home or near a store -- only at the most inconvenient times and places. I have learned my lesson of having to wear driving sunglasses in the dark because my distance glasses broke during a road trip, and of not being able to read anything because my up-close glasses have lost a lens. Now, I always bring two pairs of driving glasses and two pairs of readers with me on trips. Simple. Problem solved.

However, on this particular trip, I will be going someplace sunny. At the last moment when parking my car at the long-term lot, I grab my driving sunglasses (the ones that saved me during that night driving incident) and pop them into my bag. Thank goodness I do. because I am wearing those constantly while driving around the neighborhoods of North Carolina.

I leave my glasses in the rental, no problem, and proceed to a park and to lunch. Until, that is, I get back in the SUV. Remember -- I have not been near the sunglasses for two hours; they are merely sitting alone in the vehicle. When I open the car door and ready myself to leave the parking lot, I grab my glasses and a random chunk of the temple tip of the frame has merely detached itself. I can't even pretend to use the glasses because they will fall right off the side of my face.

Thank goodness I still have two sets of driving glasses with me in my backpack in the car (I'm headed to the airport soon, anyway, so everything is with me). It doesn't help that I am driving into the sun, but it's okay. That's what car visors are made for, right?

When I get back to my own car at the long-term lot, it is dark, so I don't need my sunglasses. I have my spare pair in the car, anyway, but now I have to buy a spare spare. All in all, one random freakazoid headphone man and one set of broken glasses are not nearly enough to dampen a great trip, and it's reassuring to know that my travel blips remain steady. It almost feels like good luck!

SANGRIA AND INDUSTRIAL TOOLS

I am not a weakling.

I used to carry full-grown men across judo mats, along with dragging their full body weight up and down the mats. I can and have moved furniture by myself up and down stairs. I routinely carry cases of paper around at work.

But, I have strangely small hands that make opening things a huge challenge. 

My hands are so small that I can barely reach an octave on the piano keys, and pinkie rings are too big for my ring fingers. Of course, my tiny fingers are extraordinarily helpful when someone needs to reach up and into the broken copy machine at work to retrieve bits of paper that no one else can access without barbecue tongs (which we do not keep in the teachers' room). 

However, my limited grip berth is detrimental when trying to open things like jars and bottles. More than once, I have had to take serrated knives to the plastic caps on bottles in order to open them. Oh, sure, I can lift cases of these bottles. I just don't have the brute hand span to get a decent grip for torque.

Imagine, if you will, my limited grip versus a very well-sealed bottle of sangria.

I try and try and try to turn the cap, but it is fused metal-to-metal. I get one of those rubber grippy things and work at it, but it doesn't budge. I even try leather gloves, which have a much better grip than tiny hands alone do. Finally, I grab my handy serrated knife (that I keep for such occasions and for breaking down large boxes) and start pecking apart the metal ring holding the cap to the bottle neck.

Nothing is working. Not a dang thing. I can't even budge the cap. (Remember, I am not a weakling.)

Finally, I grab a wrench. Yes, a wrench. an industrial sized wrench, not some small one. I am going to open this bottle or break it and dump its contents down the sink. I use a washcloth, too, just in case the glass does break, to add an element of safety to this endeavor.

Once I get the bottle open (after several attempts), I take a look at the cap. It is bent, and not just bent a little bit, but bent in a way that the manufacturer seemed to intend that no one could ever break into the bottle. It's like the makers of Fort Knox created the sealant to this bottle. As I am adding fruit to my glass and preparing to pour the sangria in, I swear I hear the theme song from Mission Impossible playing.

I think I'm done with these bottles. I understand now why people gravitate toward pop-top sodas and boxed wines. At least I won't need the power tools to have some refreshment.

SPICY PEANUT SAUCE AND OTHER OBSESSIONS

I just happen to be running errands when I pass a Whole Foods grocery store. I have zero business buying more food. My refrigerator is decently stocked, as is my back-up supply of dry goods. I have every intention of steering my car straight up the hill and away from Whole Foods. I even get into the lane that does not turn toward the road where Whole Foods is located.

Somehow, though, I suddenly find myself changing lanes and swerving right to head toward the parking lot. Apparently, I have a hankering for some vegetable spring rolls. If you don't know what those are, vegetable spring rolls are sushi for people who hate raw fish. 

Not every Whole Foods has the vegetable spring rolls, or, if they do, they're not readily available on a regular basis. For example, I've never seen them in Whole Foods in Charlotte, North Carolina. Doesn't mean that they don't have them; I've just never seen them when I've gone looking for a snack while visiting.

So, my car and I end up at Whole Foods. (I'm blaming the car, of course.) I go into the store and find the spring rolls. Score! But, the display case also has cucumber avocado rolls. I've never tried those, but they look good, too. Oh, great. Now I've gone from "I shouldn't be stopping here" to "I cannot decide which specialty item to choose."

In the spirit of generosity and because I don't want to offend any yummy vegetables in the case, I opt to buy both. I actually tell myself that I will have a few of each and maybe bring the rest to school for lunch.  (Insert evil laughter here.) 

What actually happens is that I scarf down all of the cucumber avocado rolls plus half of the vegetable spring rolls. I do not bring the rest of the spring rolls for my work lunch because the spicy peanut sauce is messy, so I inhale those the following evening.

This is not the worst part of the story. The worst part of the story is that now I have an obsession with these darn things. I cannot stop thinking about the vegetable spring rolls, and it's to the point that I am Googling spicy peanut sauce recipes. I also used an avocado and other vegetables (string beans, peppers, tomatoes, spinach...) along with couscous and created my own bowl version.

Thank goodness Halloween just passed by. I have enough disguises to go back into Whole Foods as often as I like and buy the vegetable spring rolls and the cucumber avocado rolls without being recognized and dubbed mentally and nutritionally unbalanced. I pay cash, too, so no one will be able to track my purchasing history.

I suppose there could be worse obsessions, but this one is borderline weird. That being said, if you have a decent and easy spicy peanut sauce recipe, send it my way.