What is the most reviled two-word phrase in the English language?
Nuclear bomb? Tax audit? You're fired? No food? Wrong size? Dead end? Prenuptial agreement? Custody dispute? You're guilty? You fail? Pull over? Lane change? Too expensive? Babysitter cancelled? Account's empty? Phone's lost? No internet? Battery's dead? Hiatal hernia? Stomach cramps? Sutures stat? Bread's moldy?
Nope.
The most reviled two-word phrase is:
Staff Meeting.To anyone who has never been forced to sit through one of these boredom-challenging events, a Staff Meeting happens when someone could have, at the very least, sent the required information out by email or via carrier pigeon. At the very most, it could have happened around the water cooler with far more current and precise information passing around like an adult version of Office Telephone.
This most recent Staff Meeting could have (and should have) been a memo. There is a completely off-topic presenter who has obviously been placed before us as the Dummy Prize -- run the clock out so no one can ask questions about the real issues. That's fine. We spend the time texting each other bad movie suggestions and drawing faces on photos we take of various items around the room. (I am the Master of the Screaming Charging Station Outlets.)
What's funny is that sometimes these Staff Meetings are meant to quell rumors, but backfire and actually start the rumors. We have staff moving all over the place -- to new rooms, to new grades, to new schools, and some out the door. But, we aren't supposed to "know" this nor "talk about" this because, hey, it's smoke and mirrors. It's literally Screaming Outlets.
I'm kind of over it all. I have a couple of years left, and I just recently let my high school license expire. That means I am now only certified to teach grades 5-9 (so, I guess I could still teach freshmen, legally). But, with all the changes going on, and, with two weeks left of the school year, I start packing, rearranging, and tossing twenty-five-plus years' of stuff.
First, I bring home all of my plants so I can set up my porch. Then, I give away two of my six bookshelves, which leads me to pack up the four bookcases I am keeping. This encourages me to give away 200 or so (out of my 600+) reading novels that I'm ready to part with (including my own kids'
Goosebumps books). After that, I take all of my "secretive" files to the shredder. This is followed by the tech department coming in to measure for new electronic boards because the useless Eno board will be moving to the back of my room over the bulletin board, so the posters and projects need to be taken down. I organize my desk. I pull apart my closets and dump my old grade eight curriculum (I haven't taught it in twenty years) and my old small-group math materials (also twenty years gone). I put extra plastic "in" boxes into the Teacher's Room. I repack and put away my games and class toys. I take home a metal shelving unit. I move my desk three times in one afternoon until I am happy with its placement even though the area of the room is known as the Blue Tooth Black Hole of Death. I empty out the file cabinets of student work. My room quite literally echoes.
In other words, it appears that I'm leaving.
People start whispering. I assume they're talking about all the staffing conundrums we are facing for 2025-2026, the "information" that "was" (wasn't) shared at the Staff Meeting. I ignore the whispers because I am two weeks from closing up shop for the year. I am sequestered in my room all day every day, and I don't have any idea what is being said outside my four poster-less walls.
Finally, a few bold souls come to my room when I'm in there alone, tearing the place apart, and they close the door. "Are you leaving?"
What? Yeah, in two years.
"Oh. It looks like you're leaving."
No, I'm heaving . . . all this useless stuff.
This goes on and on. Even my Team Leader finally asks me. "Are you leaving?"
Not yet. But, I am prepared to go at any given moment.
I didn't realize it then, but I do realize it now. I hold that power. I hold the power to say, "I'm done, and I'm leaving right now." I have one foot out the door and jets on my heels. I may not be leaving . . . yet . . . but I can taste it, smell it, hear it, feel it, see it.
So, being the brat I am, to some I simply say, "Could be. Maybe so. One never knows."
This statement seems to have hang-time. It has repercussions. It has legs. It's an ear-worm. And, even better:
It could have been a freaking Staff Meeting.