SPRING: THE SEASON THAT DOESN'T LOVE US

Pollen time!

Many places in New England are emerging from Mud Season. Now, we enter the dreaded Pollen Season.

So far, Pollen Season hasn't been too horrendous. We don't have the caterpillars peeing and pooping all over our cars, and we can actually go two or three days (rather than hours) without our vehicles turning into complete green dust-mobiles. I do, however, have my monthly car wash membership, just in case.

The worst part about Pollen Season is the sneezing. Yes, the unexpected, inevitable blasting nasal expectorants that come upon us with zero warning. This, of course, is compounded by things like Mother's Day or Teacher Appreciation Day, when "indoor" pollen arrives in the form of flowers. We do looooove flowers, but our noses don't feel the same way.

Cold season? We have warnings for our sneezes. Our nostrils leak, and we usually say "huuuuhhhh huuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh" before letting loose a snot-infested string of sneezes. If there's smoke around, like a campfire or a barbecue, we can sense the smoke tickling our sinuses, giving us at least enough time to turn away from humanity.

Pollen? Forget it. All bets are off. (I just sneezed uncontrollably and without warning by sitting here typing this and having my windows open to the outside world of Spring.)

So, apologies in advance. If you're chatting with someone from New England and that person's face freezes for the slightest millisecond, you won't even have time to back up. Before you even have a chance to register their facial tic, at least one explosive sneeze will be charging your way.

Don't panic, though: No germs. No diseases. No plague. But, there will be green . . . pollen, that is. 

We do love Spring; It simply doesn't love us back.