March is the worst month to be an English/Language Arts public school teacher up here in Massachusetts.
There are zero holidays, so no long weekends, there is no Spring Break (we are per diem employees, so don't even go there), and we are gearing up for state testing in two weeks. Yes, 75% of the way through the school year, the kiddos are being tested on 100% of the curriculum. This means that we need to take down and hide any and all materials related to what is taught to prevent cheating, plus assure our students that they are, indeed, prepared for two days of rigorous and unrealistic testing conditions.
This is also the time when someone on the scheduling committee decides to add in an Academic Open House evening.
But, truly? During the longest stretch? At the most arduous time? The point where the stress level is bursting? When we are trying to mitigate any resources that might compromise the outcome of a state test that is geared more toward college students than middle schoolers? When the weather itself is iffy, at its best?
Small wonder we are all dragging ourselves through the days, or that our sick-out rate is at its highest, or that our nerves and patience levels are shot.
If you are not a part of my student or immediate teaching team and walk into my room now, and a few idiots have done so, I'm going to take your head off and serve it to you on a paper-lined clipboard.
During the filming of Midnight Cowboy, an unplanned and unscripted line happened when a taxi cab almost hit actor Dustin Hoffman. Briefly breaking character, Hoffman banged on the cab's hood and yelled, "Hey! I'm walkin' here!" (Then cussed out the equally irate driver as the cab took off.)
This is how I feel. This is how we all feel in the Massachusetts public school system right now. Get out of our way. Stay out of our way. Let us do the work we are trained, hired, and scripted to do.
If you dare to cross into my lair right now, or at any time before I am done with the state testing in my subject, I will tear you a new body orifice and serve it back to you charred to perfection. I might be reprimanded, or, if I'm lucky, maybe I'll even be relieved of my duty.
That would be fine. I'm ready for anything at this point. After all, it's March. It's the very worst time to do what I do. This is stroke-level stuff.
But, go ahead. Make my day. Walk this way. Cross that line. I dare you to, because you might have forgotten: I'm walkin' here.
