Well, it's that time of year again. Time for green beer, strong whiskey, bagpipes, and corned beef. Time for boisterous choruses of "What do you do with a drunken sailor..." and errant hand-clapping to the no-nay-never denials. It's time for someone who thinks he can sing to belt out Danny Boy.
I
t's time for anyone with a smidgen of Irish heritage to wear green -- or orange, if you're so inclined - although white should probably be the unifying color, but where's the Irish history in that?
Every retail store around is trying to make a buck off Irish-wannabes. Even the craft stores. I have nothing against a decent Irish-themed decoration, and some of the stuff is tolerable and even kind of adorable in a purely Irish way.
Until we get to the giant shamrock. What the serious fuc-saus is going on here?
This thing looks like it's supposed to be made of peat moss. Unfortunately, it is more like a skin graft from the Jolly Green Giant. It's brittle and disturbing and has a faint odor of road apples, and it's green only in the clinical sense.
This item was probably made in China, and I'm not making a political statement when I say this. It's more an indictment on the level of familiarity the factory workers have with Irish heritage (zero, obviously). It's equally creepy from the front as it is from the back, and we're not even sure which side is supposed to be which.
But, hey, on St. Patrick's Day, everyone can be Irish, not just Celts, Gaels, and Saxons. If an imitation-peat-moss over-sized shamrock is your thing, then let me know. I'll tell you where to find one. Until then, you'll find me singing, clapping my hands, and attempting to tell you where that dang boy named Danny has taken himself.
Happy St. Paddy's Day!
