AND I BUILT THIS . . . TWO

Some things I can build and some things I cannot.

As I mentioned in the last blog, I still have a shelf unit and two pub chairs to put together. These are less “building” and more “assembling.” However, the directions still lack words. I cannot do pictures, people. I always failed those parts of the Iowa IQ tests that I took as a kid. What would this shape look like if it were put together? What would this look like is you took it apart?

My answers: CRAP, that’s what anything would look like if I put it together or took it apart. Crap, crap, utter crap.

(I have a failed attempt at a foldable kayak, but that’s a story for another day and mostly a manufacturing problem. Note to readers: Do NOT invest it Tucktec kayaks – the assembly mechanism is off by centimeters, and the instructional video clearly shows a broken piece that the guy just blows by like it’s nothing. Thank god for UPS returns.)

I have to stay out of the sun for a few days due to yet another weird medical issue (not measles – been there, done that), and, of course, it is the ONLY time all summer that New England has had several decent days in a row. So, I decide to assemble the last pieces of furniture because I’ll be damned if I will let that failed kayak experiment ruin my confidence.

I set out all of the pieces that I need for the pub chairs because I figure (correctly) that these will be far worse to assemble than the shelf unit. Step #1 – one of the swivel mechanisms is jammed. FML. I put on a pair of work gloves and force that sucker to start turning. Then, I begin the assembly, needing, of course, a small, super-powered flashlight (which, strangely enough, I own) to line up the holes. Two hours later, I have two pub chairs.

So, I decide, what the hell. I have two more hours. I’ll assemble the damn shelf unit, too. I take out all the parts for the shelf unit and study the directions.

All of a sudden, something completely unpredictable happens. I look at the pictures for the directions and decide that I know an even easier way to assemble this that will not require my gray hair getting grayer, me needing a high-powered flashlight, nor alcohol consumption to keep my nerves in check. Thirty minutes … yes, thirty teeny tiny minutes later, the shelf unit is assembled and ready for action.

In a way, I am glad that I finished up all of this furniture stuff by building last the easy shelf unit. Had I started that way, I would’ve been way over-confident and set myself up for disappointment. I am pleased to report that all of the furniture I have built/assembled so far is still standing and functioning.

Maybe next I will take on plumbing. Watch out, Three Stooges!