Oh, my God! OH, MY GOD! It’s gonna snow! IT’S GONNA SNOW!!!!! Buy milk and bread and eggs and wipe out the entire store, and, hey, because it’s still Covid-19, don’t forget to hoard the toilet paper, too!
Let’s be honest. Fifteen inches of snow is impressive. But, a blizzard? Armageddon? Biggest storm of the century? Please. This is a standard snowstorm here in New England. What are you people even talking about? We could shovel and clear fifteen inches of snow in our sleep, and most of us probably have.
By the way, who started naming these winter storms? Blizzard Bubba, or whatever the freak they called it. Do NOT name our snowstorms for us. We are not weenies who need names on our storms to validate them.
Listen up: When winter comes, it snows. When snow comes, it sticks to the ground. When snow sticks to the ground, it accumulates. When there is a storm, there is usually wind. When there is wind and snow, sometimes people lose power.
THESE CONDITIONS DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT EQUAL TERROR.
Here are five pointers for predicting the weather in New England:
1. Don’t.
2. Please don’t.
3. Just don’t.
4. Do not.
5. Tape your mouth shut.
