I DID A THING

I did it.

Yes, I finally did.

Oh, the fireplace doesn't count.

I've had that sucker on even during the summer.

No, I truly did it.

Okay, so I did it maybe five times, but only for fifteen minutes each.

Just a little.

Just enough to make a real difference.

Just enough to feel it all the way into my bones.

To be honest, I did it again a few seconds ago.

I don't care what you think.

There's suddenly a chill in the air, and it feels great.

Not inside, though.

It doesn't feel so wonderful when stepping out of the shower.

So, I did it.

Yup, I did the thing.

I cranked the heat, but only for a few times and only for a few minutes.

I also changed over to flannel sheets.

Winter's coming, folks.

Crank the furnace.

It's time.

AUTUMN IS A BUST

 This year's autumn colors are brought to you by It's a Bust Decorating Company.

July was so dang rainy that most of us up here in New England expected a much more vibrant batch of colors. The North Country did all right, as far as colors go. But, down here in the middle bend? 

Meh. That's all. Just . . . meh.

Our weather has been temperate, to say the least. All this week it was like summer all over again. The trees don't know what the heck to do anymore. A few of them started budding. The plants on my porch started flowering. 

Meanwhile, there may be one or two colorful trees among robust green ones, or there are trees that try to change color but just go right to the "Hey, I'm dead already" stage. As much as the deciduous trees are hanging on to their green leaves, many of the evergreens are losing their boughs as if they, too, are supposed to be deciduous. 

Oh, sure, here and there I might see a patch of colorful trees among the greenish ones, but, for the most part, any trees that had started to change have pretty much done it and dropped their leaves. The rest? That icky shade between army green and stomach bile.

Autumn has been a bust around here. It's too warm and it's too green. 

Now watch; just because I complained, winter is going to be fifty degrees below zero, howling winds, and ice storms to knock out the power all the time. 

In the meantime, send some color our way, some color other than baby-pooh green. Come on, autumn. You only have one shot at this. Make it count.

WAITING FOR GODOT AND FEDEX

 My gawd, FedEx. How can you even stay in business?

I have been waiting days for a package. DAYS. My computer died over a week ago (a well-deserved and well-earned death, I might add), so I ordered a Chromebook to get me through the dark days until I decide on a new desk top. Yeah, after my Ouija laptop at work, I'm not getting into any laptops here at the house.

I kept coming home to notes from FedEx to sign and they would leave my Chromebook outside at my apartment complex. That would be a big fat NO. Why can't you just deliver it to the secure package room, like normal delivery people? I am not home between 8:30 and 11:00 a.m. on weekdays! I am at WORK. Had I known what I was in for, I would've gotten the damn thing delivered to work.

I start fighting with the company that sent it. They respond, "You agreed to sign for it, and NO, we will NOT allow you to pick it up AT FedEx! We will deliver it on the next business day." This means MONDAY. I have now been waiting three days to connect with their hired truck service. 

Well, fuck you and the horse you probably ate for lunch.

I contact the computer company again and say, as nicely as I can, "This is bullshit piss-poor customer service, so I expect a full refund when it gets returned . . . plus shipping and tax."  

Their response? "Fine!  Just FINE."

Well, it's Saturday. A beautiful Saturday. I could be out with my family, or kayaking, or shopping, or anything but staying home. No, I decide to get up early, get dressed, and pray for the FedEx truck.

Prayers answered. Shortly after 9:00 a.m. I receive a phone call. FedEx. They'll be here in twenty minutes. Will I be home?

Damn straight I will. I go outside and sit and wait for the truck for almost a half hour. I flag the truck down before it can get away. No effing way am I letting this truck or my package out of my sight.

Finally. FINALLY I am back online other than my phone and my tablet. Oh, sure, the Chromebook is small, but at least now I can access my Chrome files. I can write my Blog. I can get to my docs and sheets and photos and all of the stuff I have been unable to access for nine days.

But seriously, FedEx. Signed deliveries ONLY in the mornings? Weekdays? I guess forewarned is forearmed. I won't be making that mistake again. I live where there is a locked package room and an Amazon Hub. I guess buying directly from the company and giving them my business isn't an option anymore. Now I get why Amazon is doing such an incredible business. 

Hey, FedEx -- maybe you should hook up with Amazon so you can maybe access their hubs? Just a thought as I type here on my overdue Chromebook, the one I refused to let get away.

WHAT THE SERIOUS HELL

 What the serious hell is going on with the retail industry? 

I have been trying to peruse cars, perhaps to even buy one, and there is very close to zero inventory. Did corporations stop manufacturing them?  ALL of them?! 

What the serious hell.

My computer hard drive crashed. It's okay. The damn computer is a dozen years old, so it's not like it was unexpected. It has been running slowly for three years, so I'd say I won on that deal. I go to Best Buy today to look for maybe an expensive laptop plus a decent Chromebook for travel and school work. (I am not putting my work stuff on any new computer  -- lesson learned.) There were zero employees around to help. Oh, there were plenty of them "working," but not a one knew how to "help." 

What the serious hell.

So, I whipped out my phone, chatted with other irate customers in the computer section, and managed to figure out what I will be getting as replacements: an all-in-one desk top to replace the current all-in-one that I have, and an even cheaper Chromebook than the one I had been willing to drop change on when I walked into the store.

I go grocery shopping. There is one aisle open. ONE. Not an express aisle; a regular aisle. There are two employees standing around "guarding" the self-check-out. Okay, I guess I am going to the self-check-out registers.

What the serious hell.

It's the same everywhere I go. Wal-Mart. Home Depot. Do it myself or go without. I can tell you exactly what is going to happen when I have to continue to do this all myself -- I am going to start giving myself the employee discount. One over the scanner, two in the bag. I wouldn't have to answer to anybody because they're all too casual and unconcerned to catch me, anyway.

Seriously. What the serious hell is going on? Laziest bunch of fuckers running retail right now. If I cannot walk into the store and buy what I want and have customer service when I want it (and this is NOT a "Karen" rant because I just turned around and silently and calmly left Best Buy after forty-five minutes), why on Earth would I consider shopping there ever again?

Guess what? I wouldn't. I won't. That is the LAST time I will set foot in Best Buy. EVER.

People who claim they "want to work" -- You had better consider a warehouse job. Ain't nobody gonna be patronizing your lazy ass much longer. Those apartment developers must be licking their chops right about now watching all of the retail businesses and malls getting ready to go residential.

Oh, it's coming, all right, and when it does, I'll be the only one NOT saying, "What the serious hell."

UNSCRAMBLING THE WRONG WORD

So, I'm in this other blog.

I know, right! I actually have friends. Hard to believe, but, trust me, they sometimes let me post my thoughts and sometimes they even respond . . . and I don't have to pay them or anything! (You know who you are!)

Our weekend blog is always something fun and thought-provoking and witty. Well, by the time the weekend comes along, I don't have many brain cells left, but I try to participate, anyway. I go in last night and I see this Word Unscramble activity:

CROCESWAR

All I see is "CROC SWEAR."

Honest to gawd, once I see it, I cannot un-see it. I cannot for the life of me come up with any other word(s) except CROC SWEAR.

I submit my answer to the Word Unscramble Activity. Just to make sure I get credit for having the right answer, I submit the following as evidence. YOU be the judge and tell me if I win or not:

the unscrambled word = Croc Swear

Once I was in Africa with Steve Irwin. We were walking along the crocodile-filled river, and one of the crocs said to the rest, "Oy! It's Steve fucking Irwin, mates. Throw another Steve on the barbie! Let's get him!" But, hey, it's Steve fucking Irwin, right? So he hunted them crocs and he put them all in chokeholds until they all passed out but not before telling Irwin what a m**********r f*****g a*****e d**k he was. Irwin just laughed and said, "Crickey, I've never heard a CROC SWEAR!"